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Sunday, August 31, 2003
In This Case The Scales of Justice Don't Balance
On Friday noted talk radio host Hugh Hewitt speculated that the Minnesota youth arrested for unleashing a computer worm might, in fact, be one of our fellow Fraters staffers, The Atomizer. The young man has been identified as eighteen year old Jeffrey Lee Parson who goes six foot four and weighs in at three hundred and twenty bills.  Meanwhile the Atomizer has been on this planet for thirty and six years and checks in at five foot eight and a buck forty.  I think you're barking up the wrong tree here Hugh. Now if you would told me that Saint Paul had a secret identity I might have been able to support you. But The Atomizer's an innocent man. At least this time.
A View from the Top
In the language of Nepali, the word ?sagarmatha? means ?forehead of the sky.? And no, they?re not referring to Tom Selleck?s head. Although if more Nepalese rode the Magnum ride at Minnesota State Fair, I?m sure that?s exactly the word you?d be hearing. But since people from Nepal only have the Himalayan mountains as an example of gigantic stony outcroppings, they reserve the term for something else. Today?s picture from NASA shows that perhaps the Nepalese have a point. A panoramic view from atop Mount Everest. Spectacular, awe inspiring, and terrifying, to say the least. Although no less so than Tom Selleck?s head, as King from SCSU Scholars can personally attest: I am having nightmares over the size of Selleck's noggin. Seriously guys, it's scaring me. What the hell is it? The Amazing Craniac?
Saturday, August 30, 2003
Earlier this week President Bush came to St. Paul for a fundraiser, hauling in a local record total of $1.4 million. At the event, the chief organizer (the always gracious former US Senator Rudy Boschwitz) responded as follows (as quoted in the Star Tribune):
"This is a most successful fundraiser," Boschwitz said to loud applause. The always gracious, if not always graceful, President Bush had this to say: "Today we are laying the groundwork for what's going to be a great national victory in November 2004," Bush said. These plainspoken, honest, inspirational words seemed to go over well at the event. The general feeling best summarized by this attendee: "Nice job -- it was absolutely worth it," said Ted Risdall of North Oaks. "Look at all the Democrats who are running. Not one of them paints a positive future. There's no comparison at all." Hard to deny that statement (even coming from a guy hailing from tony North Oaks). But it seems all this warmth and positivity lasted only until people reached the exit signs. Where upon everyone was greeted by the sneering and taunting, gloom and doom representatives of the Democratic party, protesting outside. Thankfully, the state GOP chairman was there to articulate the appropriate response: Ron Eibensteiner, chairman of the Minnesota Republican Party, walked out a happy man. The crowd had surpassed the 500 that organizers had anticipated. As he was taunted by protesters who were kept across the street on Kellogg Blvd., Eibensteiner leaned over a police barrier at them and yelled, "Get a job!" I love it. Absolutely beautiful. Of course, now Eibensteiner's getting the predictable abuse from the local columnists, decrying his insensitivity. This also gives the press an opportunity to flex their well used "irony" muscles (and the muscles used to create a self satisfied smile), attempting to contrast this statement with current unemployment statistics, as if this invalidates Eibensteiner's point. In this spirit, the Star Tribune's Kim Ode, attempts a populist critique: Eibensteiner's crack revealed one more thing than he might have intended. Newspaper reports described the protestors as a mix of people, among them military vets, teenagers and retirees, but also nurses and Teamsters. And we all know how reliable newspaper reports are. Come to think of it, Kim Ode is supposedly a journalist. How about a little original research here, Kim? Instead of sitting around your office reading the newspaper as the source for your newspaper column, how 'bout you expend a little shoe leather? Get off your arse and do some interviews. (Or as Ron Eibenstenier might say--"do your job!") It shouldn't be that hard, considering this protest occurred all of 10 minutes away by car from the Star Tribune building. Ode continues: Maybe Eibensteiner, a venture capitalist, lives in a world where people work from 9 to 5 and doesn't fathom that some people may work nights, or odd shifts, or have jobs that consume their weekends but give them Tuesdays off. Maybe some of them felt deeply enough about the issue to devote their lunch hour to make their views known before going back to their jobs.. "Maybe"? (There's some of that hard-hitting, keen insight again.) Yeah--maybe. Or maybe they were the usual gang of professional protesters, spoiled and impudent college students, lay-abouts, and radicalized public sector employees. If you're torn between our two maybes (and feeling like a fool), perhaps some photographic evidence can tell a more complete story. Here's a series of pictures from local Lefty agitators Circle Vision. Review these and make up your own mind as to whether my "maybe" or Ode's "maybe" is closer to the truth. Also note how many of these protesters, amid their rants about intervention in Iraq, capitalism, and John Ashcroft, seem to care anything about the state of the economy. Or how many look like they'll be hustling back to the office after their 'lunch hour' is over. Hint--zero. Unless of course they all work in a head shop. Or maybe a costume shop. Labels: Media-Local (02-04)
Friday, August 29, 2003
What Ever Happened To Randolph Scott?
He was mowed down by South Dakota Congressman William Janklow. Janklow, the POS, ran a stop sign doing 71 mph and killed Scott, of Hardwick Minnesota. Oh, what's that you say, it was an accident and it could happen to anyone? Not quite (from this morning's Strib): But Janklow's impressive political record was sometimes overshadowed by his erratic driving. An unapologetic speeder, Janklow received a dozen speeding tickets in a five-year period in the early 1990s, a time when he held no public office, records show. This is a deeply arrogant individual, this worthless piece of human debris. This Janklow. He simply decided he didn't have to follow basic traffic rules and that was that. He wanted to speed. So he did. And now an innocent cyclist is dead long before he should be. Bastard. As anyone who has ever operated a cycle knows, it's a short trip from the bike to the pavement and there is often nothing you can do to avoid it. Randolph Scott probably had a similar thought as he was on his way to his maker. Janklow can rot for all I care.
A Great And Sudden Glory
The proper union of gin and vermouth is a great and sudden glory; it is one of the happiest marriages on earth, and one of the shortest lived. --Bernard De Voto Word has reached us here at Fraters HQ East that one of our own, The Atomizer, has taken to drink and is currently holed up in his West Bloomington home. Distraught at the savaging he suffered with Hugh Hewitt?s Horrific Horse Hockey Heresy, he?s not taking phone calls, responding to emails or answering his door. Knowing him as we do, we?re not really all that concerned, but I thought the following info gleaned from this morning?s Journal might be of interest to him if he decides to turn this bender into a week-long event (as he has been known to do). Raymond Sokolov (one of the paper?s great snooty food reviewers) decided to review the superpremium gins and vodkas on the market and tell us which were up to his estimable snuff. In the gin category, somewhat surprisingly, the Scottish gin Hendrick?s was judged to be superior over all, despite the fact that it boasts of ?a curious but marvelous infusion of cucumber.? (?) Tanqueray No. Ten, a step up from the standard Tanqueray, was judged to be the smoothest of the gins, something I can personally attest to as I recently polished off a bottle after it spent a scant couple of days in my freezer. A bottle made quite an impression at a recent family reunion as well when I plopped it down next to a bottle of Gordon?s and sniffed ?Okay, now who?s ready for a real drink?? Apparently, Bombay Saffire (the Atomizer?s choice) was tested but did not win, place or even show. Moving on to the vodkas, again surprisingly (given it is French) Grey Goose was chosen as the best all-around. Sokolov says: ?This is smooth and far-removed from the rubbing-alcohol finish of most vodkas.? Olifant, a Dutch vodka, was rated second best and would be a good buy at only 15 bones a liter. I think that?s why I?ve always been more of a gin guy than a vodka vulture. Gin is so much more adult, so much more masculine than vodka. You don?t often hear of people mixing gin with fruity kids drinks like grape juice, or putting it in fru-fru cocktails so young women can get loaded but not taste the hootch. Vodka screams out to be hidden, it?s taste deluded by as much sugar, corn starch and fruity crap as can be crammed into a glass. Gin just calmly says ?Here I am. You think you can handle it?? To me, this is why the quality of gin is much more paramount than the quality of vodka. If you?re going to just cover up the taste with mixer anyway, why buy the good stuff? I buy good gin because I like very, very dry martinis where the gin is doing all the heavy lifting, not the mix. Sokolov concurs: As a rule, the ?ordinary? premium brands like Tanqueray were clearly less appealing than their superpremium label mates, but not dramatically better than those in plastic bottles, which suggests that those of us who have habitually spent bottom dollar for white spirits we were going to mix with tonic or orange juice had the right idea. So there you go Atomizer, a few suggestions if you decide to stay holed up for a while. And it?s probably best just to leave that radio off for a while too.
Are You Sure About That?
From an AP news story on the car bombing that killed 75 at a mosque in Iraq: Along with last week's deadly bombing at the U.N.'s Baghdad headquarters, Friday's attack seems certain to undermine stability in Iraq and make it even more difficult for the Americans to maintain security. Later in the same story we read: In Sadr City, about 1,000 al-Hakim followers demonstrated in front of the Supreme Council of Islamic Revolution headquarters. Some sat weeping on the ground; others shouted for revenge. "We will not forget our Ayatollah Baqir al-Hakim!" they chanted. One protester fired a pistol in the air and urged the crowd to search for the Saddam backers and foreign fighters that he claimed were responsible. Call me crazy but having more Iraqis on our side helping us find those responsible would seem to actually make it EASIER for us to maintain security. Of course I'm not an expert reporter either.
Learning From the Master
Yesterday 5:34pm I'm at work listening to the Hugh Hewitt show as I'm wont to do after the office empties out a bit. Hugh has thrown out a couple of mentions of our on-going feud trying to spin the story to portray himself as innocent victim rather than the ruthless aggressor that he actually is. He then asks for one of the Fraters yokels to call in and defend our recent actions (taken purely in self defense by the way). I resist the urge to act, thinking that this is not the time nor place for a rebuttal. A coworker walks by my cube and I echo the feelings that Lileks and Brad Jones from The Infinite Monkeys have expressed earlier: "The man on the radio is talking about me." "Yeah, sure he is pal." 5:37pm Hugh gets nasty, suggesting that we are incapable of operating a telephone, that we are all unemployed (75% of us are gainfully employed thank you very much), and that our mother's wouldn't let us come out of the basement and use the phone (none of us live with our parents although I think the Atomizer's mom still makes his lunch everyday). A man can only take so much and I can't standz no more. I reach for the phone. 5:39pm The Atomizer has called in and is attempting to counter the disinformation campaign that Hugh has undertaken. He hangs in there quite admirably with Hugh and refuses to concede anything. Bravo. Meanwhile I have spoken with the Generalissimo and am on hold awaiting my chance. I work on my talking points and lay out a number of killer arguments that I will drop on Hugh. He won't know what hit him. 5:44pm Hugh comes back from break and announces that I'm going to be on the air. Duane plays 'Everybody Plays The Fool' as the bumper music. Cute. Hugh introduces me and then immediately throws me a question about the President lowering the pay raise for Federal workers from 2.7% to 2.1% and asks me what my thoughts are on it. I'm momentarily stunned and thrown completely off balance. This wasn't the way it was supposed to go down. I called in to discuss our intra-alliance squabble not some pay raise for govamint workers. I'm merely a humble blogger not a wonk like Freddy The Beetle Barnes. But I respond as Hugh knew I would. I try to get make a point before the next question but Hugh cuts me off and continues with a query about General Wesley Clark. He's throwing some major heat and I'm standing in there just trying to foul 'em off to stay alive. I manage to survive the intense questioning and get a chance to throw in a few shots at Hugh before we go to break. Off the air Generalissimo Duane tells me that I did okay and tries to claim that the bump was just a coincidence. His laughter betrays his guilt. (Warning: geeky sci fi reference ahead) Afterward I feel a bit like Luke after his light saber duel with Vader in the Cloud City. Although I might have suffered some damage (say losing an arm) in the battle I refused to join Hugh on the dark side. And I have learned many valuable lessons from my engagement with the wily radio veteran. Assume nothing. Expect the unexpected. Control your emotions. Lessons that I can use the next time I tangle with the Sheriff. And you better believe that there will be a next time.
Blogging Etiquette 101
If you use a post or a link from another blogger always give them proper credit with a link or at the least a mention of their site. Yes, I'm talking to you, Kathyrn Jean Lopez from The Corner on National Review Online. And no, this is not just a coincidence either. I sent K-Lo an e-mail alerting her to the story before she posted on it. Tsk, tsk.
Here, There, and Everywhere
Fraters readers PB checks in to report that the junk being pushed by the French Connection is already all over the streets of the U.K. Just recently returned from a trip to England. The fcuk logo is everywhere. It's England's answer to America's Nike swoosh. On a busy street, it's rare to go one whole block without seeing at least one shirt with those 4 letters. French Connection is a ubiquitous store over there, similar to The Gap over here. It makes some sort of sense that a store in England called French Connection would call a certain part of their product line "French Connection UK". Still, every time I see that 4-letter logo, I feel like we are one step closer to somewhere less than where we are now. Well put PB. I fear that the degradation of our culture's standards shows no signs of abating.
Capitalism Is Bad?M?kay
From today?s Minneapolis Star Tribune: Mikaela Ziegler, 7, and her 4-year-old sister, Annika, were selling refreshments Wednesday afternoon near the State Fairgrounds when a woman approached them. But she wasn't there to buy. "She said, 'You can't sell pop unless you have a license,' " Mikaela said. That's how it came to be that an inspector with St. Paul's Office of License, Inspections and Environmental Protection shut down Mikaela and Annika's pop stand. Yes, that?s precisely I want my city officials to be doing. They should spend their time hunting down young entrepreneurs and quashing any notion of capitalism that may be forming in their little developing brains. Teach them at a young age that government bureaucrats will be hounding them every step of their lives making even the simplest of tasks a bloody red tape nightmare. Make sure the kids are aware that ridiculous rules and regulations will be enforced by government automatons who have never even heard the word ?discretion?. The sooner these kids are made aware of the way government works, the more prepared they?ll be for such struggles later on in life. In fact, I don?t think the city of St. Paul went far enough. It appears that there were also glaring violations of the building and zoning codes. The pop stand is clearly a B-2 commercial use, which is not permitted in an R-1 residential area. The stand from which they were operating their little illegal business was built way to close to the public right of way and therefore violated the city?s setback requirements. They completely ignored the sign ordinance, which strictly prohibits Crayola lettering, and I didn?t see a handicap accessible ramp or parking space anywhere near the stand. It is clear that we should never let little miscreants like this get away with their complete disregard for the law. If they were allowed to continue operating, they may have developed a love for business ownership and gone on to live fruitful lives as profitable (and taxpaying) members of the community. They are better off knowing the truth. I?m sure they'll be able to find government jobs.
A French Connection You Don't Want To Make
It's almost time for the kids to go back to school. Your fifteen-year-old daughter wants some new perfume. She's been a good kid this summer so you figure why not? When your Sunday paper arrives you pick out the Marshall Fields advert to see what they're offering in hip new fragrances. And what you see is this. The brand is called French Connection United Kingdom. Get it? Pretty hard to miss the message they're sending. Hits you right over the head doesn't it? Compared to this the Van Halen album For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge now looks like a cleverly sublime example of subtlety.
Say It Ain't So James
Apparently Lileks knows how to play ball and, as I feared, has already been compromised by the dark one: The time comes when a man has to take a stand, and this battle between fraterslibertas and Hugh Hewitt has forced me off the fence. I think the fraterslibertas lads are in the right, but Hewitt has the juice and can do my career much more good, so I encourage everyone to shun the frats in public and pelt them with expired produce, and perhaps shout GOLDSTEIN! at them in true 1984 hate-rally fashion. Kulaks! Notice that he does recoginze that our cause is just but chooses to put aside what's right in pursuit of his own commercial self interest. The name Lileks isn't French by any chance is it?
Thursday, August 28, 2003
A New Sheriff in Town?
We've always enjoyed a fairly good relationship with talk radio host Hugh Hewitt. Last winter JB Doubtless and myself met Hugh at the Patriot's Hugh Hewitt on ice affair and even presented him with a Deserve Victory bumper sticker before they were available to the general public. (Sorry they are no longer for sale. Check E-bay under collectables.) Hugh was kind enough to plug our blog after the event and it appeared that a long lasting bond had been formed. Of course even the best of friends have disagreements from time to time and during the NHL playoffs, we felt it was not appropriate for Hugh, dubbed Hockey Commissioner of Minnesota by Governor Pawlenty, to be cheering for the Ducks. When Hugh would not consider a reasonable proposition to alter his position on the Ducks-Wild playoff series we had no choice but to launch a recall drive to remove Hugh from office. A petition was prepared and hockey fans throughout Minnesota and the rest of country jumped on board to join the effort. Hugh's response to our grass roots effort was severe and revealed a dark side to his outwardly magnanimous personality. Employing tactics that would have made Dzerzhinsk proud, Hugh sought to crush our burgeoning insurgency with threats and intimidation. Fortunately the Wild were dispatched by the Ducks before matters could really come to a head and a final showdown which could have proved disastrous for both parties was avoided. Afterwards we managed to mend our fences with Hugh and once again enjoyed a friendly relationship. We even managed to help Hugh get into positions that he otherwise would not be physically capable of. Just last Sunday three of us gents from Fraters spent a very enjoyable afternoon on the Patriot river cruise. We engaged in some interesting conversations with Hugh and Generalissimo Duane, among many others, and it seemed as if our connection with Mr. Hewitt was stronger than ever. That's why Hugh's actions on Tuesday were so stunning and unforeseeable. It was Hugh's last day broadcasting from the Minnesota State Fair and The Atomizer was on hand to support Hugh and represent for the Fraters Libertas crew. It is important to recall that The Atomizer has only been on board here for about five months. He's still a little wet behind the ears and hasn't had too much experience with the rough and tumble world of blogging yet. He also had not felt the sting of Hugh's lash previously and had no reason to expect anything but a warm welcome from him. But that wasn't what Hugh had in mind at all. When he saw the somewhat naive, innocent waif in his audience he licked his lips in anticipation. After inviting The Atomizer on the air under the pretext of talking about blogging, he savagely ambushed the poor, unprepared youth, with the help of his hired gun, a cutthroat local shyster who hurled legal invectives at The Atomizer until he was nearly reduced to tears. It was a classic example of attack journalism run amok. Hugh attempted to justify his barbarous behavior by claiming that his appointment by Governor Pawlenty earlier in the day to the posts of Sheriff of Latin and Master of the High Horse gave him jurisdiction over our activities here at Fraters Libertas. It's quite obvious that this was not a spontaneous event, rather Hugh had been conniving for some time to find an opportunity to launch his bald faced power grab. Now that Hugh has the reigns of additional control he is already showing signs of the egregious abuses that have marked his previous regimes. From his own web site: Those who listened to yesterday's interview with Minnesota Governor Tim Pawlenty know that the Governor, who last year named me Commissioner of Hockey in MN, has now bestowed on me the titles and duties of Minnesota Sheriff of Latin and Master of the Horse. The responsibilities of the Sheriff are vast and concern the policing of all Latin usage in the Gopher State, and jurisdiction certainly extends over the website FratersLibertas. I see no immediate need for changes at FL, but my jurisdiction is now complete, and continued complaints such as those voiced today by Atomizer may require sterner measures. I shudder to imagine exactly what Hugh has in mind when he says "sterner measures". Apparently the sheriff Hugh aims to imitate is the notorious Sheriff of Nottingham. Needless to say we are not going to sit back and allow Hugh to run roughshod over our sovereignty and the freedoms that we hold so dear. We understand that the fight will be a long and lonely one. We don't expect much help from our Northern Alliance brethren as this is not their fight. Besides Lileks has already been compromised and has much to fear if he winds up on the wrong side of the wrath of Hugh. He knows where Lileks lives and has likely saturated Jasperwood with listening devices and made imprints of the locks. You were wondering why Hugh was gone so long when he "went to the bathroom" weren't you James? Yes this is our fight and our fight alone. But we are not afraid and we shall prevail. We appreciate the enormous advantage that Hugh, with his vast resources, enjoys over our group of humble bloggers but we shall not yield to his tyranny. He is Goliath. We are David. He is the British Redcoats. We are the American "yokels". He is the 1980 USSR hockey squad. We are Team USA. Do you believe in miracles? After an emergency meeting last night of the Fraters general staff a detailed plan for a comprehensive response to Hugh's unprovoked aggression has been established. Minnesota Theater of Operations: On the legal front the Atomizer has drafted both his father and brother into service. They are preparing the framework to file counter suits against Hugh in Minnesota, for a variety of grievances which we have suffered, including breach of contract. On the political front Minnesota State Senator Michele Bachmann is authoring a bill to be submitted at the next legislative session to rescind the honorary titles granted to Hugh by Governor Pawlenty and prohibit Hugh from ever receiving such titles again. California Theater of Operations: On the legal front we have enlisted James Phillips, a lawyer in Folsom, California to pursue possible legal actions against Hugh in his state of residence. James informs me that most of the judges he has spoken to would react positively to any attempt to move legally against Hugh and a few have even guaranteed that harsh and punitive penalties will be assessed on him. In order to get "boots on the ground" we have activated Commander Rick, leader of a sleeper cell of the Fraters Fedayeen. Rick is operating out of an undisclosed, secure location in Southern California and will coordinate operations against Hugh in that area. The mission of the Fraters Fedayeen is to harass Hugh's lines of communication and supply. They will focus on interdicting supplies of material critical to Hugh including Diet Coke, Vitaganza, plain M&Ms, pretzels, and any future shipments of the Time Life Folk Collection music series. Special efforts will be made to deny Hugh the items he needs at the studio to carry out his shows which includes but is not limited to nacho cheese Doritos, crunchy Cheetos, and roll after roll of Sweet Tarts. The Fraters Fedayeen are a rather unsavory bunch and part of their mission is to strike fear into the hearts of their enemy. I would not be surprised if their actions would even cause Hugh's hair to gray prematurely. Wait, it's too late for that isn't it? But there is still a chance that the outbreak of hostilities can be avoided. While we have carefully crafted our plans for countermeasures against Hugh, none of them have been launched yet. The keys have not been turned. The buttons have not been pushed. We can still come back from the brink. We are reasonable gentlemen, and while our honor has been offended we still believe that a solution can be found that rectifies the situation. In a spirit of good will and understanding we offer the following settlement terms for Hugh's immediate consideration: 1. First and foremost Hugh must issue a public apology to The Atomizer for his atrocious conduct towards him at the State Fair. It also probably wouldn't hurt if Hugh bought him a Bombay Sapphire and tonic next time he is in town. 2. At any and all future public events that include Hugh in Minnesota, we will be guaranteed an on air appearance. 3. At any and all future public events that include Hugh in Minnesota, we shall be provided transportation to and from said event in a Jaguar. 4. We shall receive a 15% taste from any and all future advertisements on Hugh's show that include the term Northern Alliance. 5. The Time Life Folk Collection currently owned by Hugh shall be destroyed. Witnesses shall be present at the destruction and a documented record (preferably video) of it shall be made available to us. Hugh shall promise never to play bumper music that could be described as "folk" or any music from any Time Life collection in the future. A vigorous inspections program shall be established to insure and verify compliance. We believe that these terms are fair and equitable. The dogs of war of straining at their leashes but have yet to be released. Let us all hope that Hugh makes a wise decision and we can avoid any further discord between our two parties and resume our previously productive and mutually beneficial relationship.
Northern Alliance Focus on North Korea
Heeding the call of our commissioner (at least for now-more on that later) Hugh Hewitt and joining follow on efforts by Brad Jones from the Infinite Monkeys and the SCSUScholars we would like to call attention to this article by Claudia Rosett that appeared at OpinionJournal.com titled So, Where Is Mrs. Cho? . Rosett's piece seeks to awaken the world to the tragic plight of North Korean refugees, one of the most under-reported stories in recent memory. Read it and pass it on. UPDATE: Mitch Berg now has a deeper look into this story up at Shot in the Dark.
Wednesday, August 27, 2003
T Web We Hardly Knew Ya
This is not good news for Gopher hockey fans: With the start of hockey practice only five weeks away, the Gophers were blindsided Tuesday by the sudden departure of top goaltender Travis Weber. Weber, a junior, has withdrawn from school and returned to his hometown of Hibbing for personal reasons. According to a family member, he has no plans to attend school or play anywhere else, and his decision is unrelated to hockey matters. Last year when Weber and Justin Johnson were splitting time in the nets, with Weber get more starts, I wasn't a huge fan of his and wasn't sure if he had what it took to win the big game. But in the NCAA tournament he proved me wrong (the second consectutive year a Gopher goalie managed to do that): Last winter, Weber emerged as the Gophers' leading goalie and commanded national attention as the team won its second consecutive NCAA championship. He made the all-NCAA tournament team by stopping 57 of 60 shots in the Gophers' semifinal and title-game victories over Michigan and New Hampshire. His career record is 24-8-7 with a 2.64 goals-against average -- second-best in Gophers history -- and an .896 save percentage. Now the Gophers will be forced to go with Justin Johnson and freshman Kellen Briggs between the pipes in their bid to three peat as national champions. News of Weber's departure coupled with defenseman Paul Martin's decision to pass on his senior season to sign an NHL deal doesn't seem to bode well for the team's chance. But hey, I've been wrong before.
Victory Is In The Eye Of The Beholder
When the smoke cleared and the dust settled last night at Keegan's Irish Pub there was only one team standing on top of the trivia heap. And that team was Fraters Libertas or the Xtreme Right Brothers, which was our chosen moniker for the evening. We brushed aside our competition like an attractive woman brushes aside JB's clumsy advances. The defending champions, Team K, were nowhere to be seen and our theory is that they heard the footsteps. After last week's narrow victory they saw the writing on the wall. They read of the rumors of their pending demise and those rumors were not greatly exaggerated. They were the wave (now broken) of the past. We are the wave of the future. Rather than face a humiliating defeat, they buggered off like faint hearted Baathists before the approach of the 82nd Airborne. Or they might have just been spending the evening at the State Fair. Either way the fact is that now we are the champions. It might have been a bit over the top last night for Saint Paul to parade around the bar singing the Queen song at the top of his lungs but damnit he earned it and who are you to take it away from him? Our message to Team K and any others foolhardy enough to challenge our trivia supremacy is simple: Bring 'em on.
Tuesday, August 26, 2003
Earlier this evening, I made my yearly excursion to the Minnesota State Fair. I didn't attend with the other gents last Friday to see James Lileks' national radio debut for the same reason that one member of the President's Cabinet is always absent from the State of the Union Address (Saint Paul took one for the team for the AM 1280-The Patriot boat cruise on Sunday).
My day was planned around one goal. I wanted to score a ride in Hugh Hewitt's Jaguar (graciously provided by Minneapolis Downtown Jaguar), which he promised to us in a promo he did for the local radio station that carries his program. I dragged the lovely Atomizerette and my wonderful parents with me to The Patriot's fairgrounds studio about 20 minutes prior to the show and, seeing Hugh hard at work behind the glass, approached the window with trepidation. Hugh and I exchanged pleasantries, discussed the absence of my cohorts and then I broached the subject of the Jaguar. He had given the darn thing to Dennis Prager who was in town for a Wednesday live show at the fair. I was crushed, but Hugh did say that if I stuck around for a bit he would put me on the air at the end of the hour to discuss the blog. Having an incredibly large ego (like the rest of the Fraters boys), I decided to park myself in front of the booth and wait for the call from Hugh to come forward. At about 5:50 CDT, that call came and I was guided into the booth to share more pleasantries with Hugh. Or so I thought. It all began innocently enough. The host and I were chatting during the commercial break while another gentleman, who Hugh introduced to me as his attorney Dwight Rabuse, stood quietly beside me. As we were about to come out of the break, Hugh informed me that Dwight and I would be sharing a microphone. I didn't think too much of it and was, in fact, very thankful that I would not be the only one on the spot since I had never appeared on a nationally syndicated radio program before and was a tad nervous. The segment began with Hugh introducing his two guests but it degraded rapidly as I was mercilessly badgered by both Hugh and his attorney into ceding all control of the Fraters Libertas website to Mr. Hewitt. It seems that the Governor of Minnesota, Tim Pawlenty, in addition to appointing Hugh as the Commissioner of Hockey this past spring, has recently made him Master of the Horse and Sheriff of Latin. He and his attorney contend that as Sheriff of Latin, he has the legal right to our little blog. He even made a veiled threat on-air to take the very shirt off my back if I, or the other three Fraters, crossed him (considering the shirt that he was wearing, I can see why he would want mine). What Hugh didn't know is that my father is a retired attorney. He was watching the carnage from just outside of the booth and was taking copious notes. He has since been busy assembling a crack team of attorneys, including my brother and his wife, in an attempt to wrest control of our blog back from the power mad Hugh Hewitt. The wheels are in motion for a mighty battle. Don't mess with the Atomizers, Hugh. We love litigation. In fact, we eat litigation for breakfast. And don't think I've forgotten about that Jaguar ride. Labels: State Fair
Fraters reader PB weighs in with some heavy thoughts on the State Fair:
The total lack of both car racing and country music acts at the Minnesota State Fair (MSF) led to a Minnesota resident (presumably rural) being quoted in the local papers as saying something to the effect that the Minnesota State Fair has now officially abandoned its rural roots and is actually the Minnesota Twin Cities Fair. Of course, the absence of machinery on Machinery Hill has been shouting that message for several years. Not to imply that rural folks eat healthier than urbanites, but I think the food habits at The MSF may also reflect the change. Each year, when the local media begin mentioning The MSF in mid-July or so, the main topic of discussion is food, especially what food product will be skewered and deep-fried for the first time ever. Not only do they *mention* mass-consumption of deep-fried junk food, they *CELEBRATE* it. There has not been a single newscast or newspaper edition in the last 2 weeks that didn't make a glowing reference to deep-fried fair food. It is apparently the number 1 reason for going to the The MSF. With that emphasis from promoters, it stands to reason that the customer base would be mostly bottom heavy. In fact, noticeably so. The last few times I have been to the fair it was more and more visibly obvious, to the point that I have now stopped going entirely. As someone with only 30% bodyfat, I was seen as either the weird skinny kid or a possible stick-borne batter-fried meal. I skipped the fair this year, and probably will do so for some time to come, until the emphasis turns to something other than food. Labels: State Fair
Open Up Your Mouth And Feed It
Waltzing around the fair this past weekend it was hard not to notice the incredible amount of obesity in our fellow Minnesotans (and that was just at the Fraters booth). While many are fighting their waist lines, others have embraced the pathology and are attempting to do for obesity what Andrew Sullivan is trying to do for buggery. I?ll try to stifle my desire to make a joke out of their cause, but it is dangerous to tell people that being fat is some kind of social construct that isn?t inherently unhealthy or life-threatening. Let?s see what?s out there on this topic... Here?s a blog dedicated to fighting the perception that fat people are unhealthy. And it proudly tells us that ?Big Fat Blog does not promote weight loss?. Okay. Here?s the NAACP of the fat acceptance movement, the National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance. It?s basically run like any special interest advocacy group: raise money, boycott companies that offend them, raise ?awareness?. ?A chicken in every pot, a moutain of stuffing, pounds of mashed potatoes, gallons of gravy, pecan pies the size of truck tires and diet Coke for all? is their motto. Here?s a list of doctors that are ?Fat friendly?. Apparently these docs won?t get after you about your weight and will ignore it as a health issue. One person wrote this description of a doctor?s office in Grand Rapids Michigan: There are large armless chairs in the waiting room, very large gowns and sturdy, bolted-down exam tables. They have a new electronic scale that weighs to 400lbs, but the nurses generally don't question if you ask not to be weighed. After witnessing St. Paul?s corn dog consumption on Friday and seeing this picture of myself and the Elder, it may not be long before these sites come in real handy.
Last Friday I went down to the Minnesota State Fair with a couple of the other Fraters brethren. And yes, I still hate it.
Okay maybe hate is too strong a word. I still have a strong dislike for the event. Reason #156 to not like the Fair? All the free giveaways (usually crap) at the Fair tend to exacerbate the cheapness that is inherent in Minnesotans. Most Fair goers would run over their own grandmother to get a 2oz free sample of Pace Picante Sauce. Easily the best line in the movie Fargo was when Marge was talking about a restaurant to meet at in Minneapolis and asked, "Is it reasonable?" That's Minnesota. Of course we were on hand to witness the national radio debut of James Lileks who was filling in for Hugh Hewitt. Helped by the steadying hand of Generalissimo Duane, Lileks was able to pull it off quite successfully. Here's a shot of the dynamic duo in action. While JB Doubtless was happy to see Lileks he was quite disappointed to discover that his favorite radio personality was not live at the Fair. Oh well. He'll have to live vicariously through his hand fan with her photo. To get an idea of what the Fair is all about (absent the various odors of course-the scratch and sniff web page is still some years off) we've put together a small collection of some of our favorite sights of the 2003 Minnesota State Fair. And in case you missed it here's a couple of pics from Sunday's river cruise with Hugh Hewitt, Michael Medved, and Mike Gallagher. Labels: State Fair
Monday, August 25, 2003
Unbridled Expansion of 'Gaming' at an Indian Casino
Friend of Fraters Gary Larson checks in from the North woods with an editorial in today's Star Tribune on the attempt by Mystic Lake Casino to add poker based card games to their gambling mix: When local tribes gave up "other types of [Class III] gaming" in the original compact to run exclusively their slots and blackjack, they obviously took a pass on poker-style card games. Now the deal's off? Yet the same tribes screamed "expansion of gambling" when Canterbury sought slots in '97 (for a Twins stadium) and in '03 (for a racino). Nary a word now about expansion. All's quiet when tribes add poker-style games to their mix. Read the whole thing to find out what it's like to compete against a monopoly (that pays no taxes) with deep pockets that's not afraid to spend money to influence politics.
Just When You Thought You Knew Someone...
There was a most disturbing post yesterday by the Infinite Monkeys on some of our site graphics: There's a fair ticket stub lower in the FL left hand column, and for some reason, at the top left, there's a haunting image of Burt Reynolds done in the the style of those religious altar candles in the Mexican food section of the grocery store. Burt Reynolds? Does that look like Burt bleepin' Reynolds to you? Followed by this attempt at a correction by another Monkey: Is that Burt Reynolds? Looks more like Magnum-era Tom Selleck to me. I didn't watch the show, but didn't he tromp around Hawaii wearing a Dodgers cap? Appalling. Shameful. How you no sense of pop culture history sirs? Where to begin? (Note: The following was written based solely upon my memories of the show. I did not Google up any Magnum sites until after it was completed.) Thomas Magnum did not wear a Dodgers cap for Chrissakes. He wore a Tigers cap. He was a huge Tigers fan. Magnum ended up in Hawaii after serving as a SEAL in Vietnam. It should be noted that Magnum P.I. was one of the first television shows that depicted Vietnam vets as ordinary guys and not psychopaths liable to snap at any moment. Although I do believe that one of Magnum's friends did suffer a bit of post traumatic stress disorder from time to time. Is any of this ringing a bell? How about TC and Rick, Magnum's buds from 'Nam? TC was a helicopter pilot and vertically challenged Rick, when not trying to bed hot women, was the owner of the King Kamehameha Club. What about Higgins or Higgy baby as TC liked to call him? His memoirs? His gardening? The toothpick model of the Bridge on the River Kwai? The dogs (Zeus and Apollo)? Surely you heard about Robin Masters? The guest house? The Ferrari? The .45 magnum? Icepick in the sauna? Surf skiing? I realize that it might sound a little trite and even silly today but when I was growing up, Magnum PI was the coolest show on the airwaves (pre-Vice of course) and included what was probably one of the greatest endings to a television episode ever. A Soviet Colonel named Ivan who interrogated Magnum, TC, and Rick in Vietnam returns and, in an attempt to kill Magnum, blows up Mac, another friend of Magnum's. At the end of the two part episode, Magnum lures Ivan into a remote location and has him completely defenseless. Ivan makes some remark about having diplomatic immunity and being the good guy that he is you know that Magnum's going to have to let him go. He asks Ivan, "Did you see the sunrise this morning?" Ivan's reply is an affirmative with the additional, "and it was particularly beautiful..." interrupted by a blast from Magnum's gun. End of episode. He shot him down in cold blood. For a thirteen year old boy it just didn't get much better than that.
Proving Once Again That They'll Print A Letter From Almost Any Wacko
From the Minneapolis Star Tribune's Sunday's letters from readers: In the aftermath of the attack on the U.N. headquarters in Iraq many want to assign blame to President Bush. A letter writer in today's paper laid it out quite simply. If the United States had not invaded Iraq, the U.N. headquarters would not have been attacked. While the statement is probably correct, to not expand beyond it is intellectually dishonest. What would have happened if the United States had not invaded Iraq? * Iraqis would still be being tortured and murdered in prisons. * Saddam Hussein's son Uday would still be raping and brutalizing women. * The families of Palestinian suicide bombers would continue to receive payments from Saddam for their ghastly acts of terror . * Terrorists would continue to find refuge in Iraq and receive material support from the regime. * Saddam's regime would still be pursuing weapons of mass destruction. The attack on the U.N. headquarters in Iraq was unfortunate. But it was nothing compared to the suffering of the Iraqi people and the potential threats posed by Saddam's regime that would be continuing to this day if the United States had not invaded Iraq. That's the simple truth of the matter. The whole truth. Chad Doughty, St. Louis Park. Wait a minute. That was a coherent well presented argument. Now how did that find its way into the Strib?
Fight For Your Wright
Many is the time that I narrowly averted a serious traffic mishap as I craned my neck to get a good view of the Lindholm Service Station when passing through Cloquet, MN. It is the only working gas station in the world designed by Frank Lloyd Wright, and it is for sale. If memory serves me, I believe that the building is in serious need of some restoration, which is not uncommon with Wright?s buildings. He had a tendency to eschew practical concerns like making sure the roof didn?t leak and he habitually skimped on such unnecessary items as steel reinforcing in the concrete and structural columns. I would imagine that the Lindholm station is no exception. In fact, on my last trip through Cloquet I recall noticing that the cantilevered canopy is sagging quite noticeably. Considering that, it seems to me that the $725,000 asking price is a tad steep. That being said, I truly hope that someone does buy the place and renovates it. It would be a shame to lose another piece of architectural history to the wrecking ball. The mere fact that the structure bears his name should be sufficient reason to lobby for its preservation. But, more importantly, the building has the distinction of being the only one of Wright's designs for Broadacre City that was actually built. So, if there any of you out there have a little extra cash on hand and have always dreamed of owning a gas station near the beautiful Iron Range in northern Minnesota, head up to Cloquet and get busy saving a Wright.
Sunday, August 24, 2003
Rolling Down The River
On the AM 1280 The Patriot boat cruise with Hugh Hewitt, Michael Medved, and Mike Gallagher. Here's a shot of downtown Minneapolis:  Hugh with the delightfully feisty Tordas ("Jay Larson get to work!"):  And finally Hugh with the Atomizer, JB Doubtless, and the Elder:  It was a beautiful day for a cruise on the mighty Mississippi and the bar had plenty of Bombay Sapphire on hand. We had a great time conversing with many people including the lovely and engaging MN State Senator Michele Bachmann, Daniel Mathais (running for Congress in the 5th District), the affable Generalissimo Duane, James Lileks and a couple of his chums (I believe it was the Giant Uzbek and the Crazy Finn), and of course the three national radio hosts. Our only disappointment was that we did not get a ride in a J-goo-R as Hugh had promised in a radio ad. Apparently the Patriot's Jay Larson was unable to come through with the luxury car. Instead Hugh and Duane were chauffeured about town in this slick ride. But on a happier note (at least for us) Hugh did agree to cut us in for a 10% taste on all future ads where he uses the term Northern Alliance. Let the royalty checks start rolling in.
Saturday, August 23, 2003
Mike Meyers as Austin Powers trying to look like Paul McCartney circa 1964.
 This photo graces the front of a Dennis Kucinich playing card that was being passed out at the State Fair. Was this really the best shot they could come up with? Labels: The Rug Doctor Is In
The Clinton Years for Dummies
The Fall 2002 edition of Public Opinion Quarterly included an article called News Framing and Cueing of Issue Regimes: Explaining Clinton?s Public Approval in Spite of Scandal. It?s a fascinating study which showed through rigorous ideomatic modeling that sustained support among the US public for Bill Clinton during the Monica Lewinsky scandal, quote "can be explained as a complex counter-response to the framing of the scandal in terms of the strategic motives of conservatives elites." (See the abstract for more details. Full text article not available without a subscription.) In laymen?s terms, their primary finding was that because the mainstream news media had a propensity for framing their reporting of the scandal in terms of ?Republican attacks on the president,? and the indignant liberal responses to this rather than focusing on the President?s behavior in committing adultery in the White House with a much younger subordinate, then committing a felony by perjuring himself during court proceedings, public support of the president (as measured in public opinion polls) was greatly increased. Fascinating stuff with far reaching implications for the continuing debate about media bias. I encourage interested parties to dig out the article and read more about it. But perhaps the most useful aspect of this study was unwitting the creation of a Cliff?s Notes version of the Bill Clinton presidency. First some background. The study?s analysis centered on the coding of news stores about Bill Clinton, appearing in 32 mainstream media sources (ranging from the USA Today, New York Times and the Washington Post to CNN, the McNeil-Lehrer News Hour, and NPR down to the Billings (MT) Journal and our very own Minneapolis Star Tribune), during the time period of January 1993 to February 1999. Via the NEXIS electronic database, a random sample of stories was selected. 1,373 of them specifically related to various Clinton sex scandals. (Point of clarification, some of these articles did deal with the same scandals, meaning there weren?t 1,373 separate scandals. At least that we know of.) From there, each article was coded as being framed as focusing on 1) Clinton?s behavior, 2) focusing on partisan conservative attacks on the President, or 3) focusing on liberal reaction to these so-called conservative attacks. The coding of stories was accomplished using the computer-aided InfoTrend coding system. The software was programmed to identify paragraphs that contained the word ?Clinton? as well as certain keywords, associated with each frame. And here?s where the breakthrough takes place for condensing the complex, exhausting, and often times explicit history of the Bill Clinton presidency. Of course, all of us who endured through this era know the details cold and have formed immutable opinions on what the truth really is. But future generations will not have this personal memory to draw upon. And it?s likely decades from now our grandchildren will come to us and ask ?what was it like when Bill Clinton was president?? Now instead of blushing and changing the subject to more dignified topics (like the collected film works of Pauly Shore), all you need to do is break out selections from the keyword code book from this research study and you can gracefully move on with your lives: (Clinton behavior frame) intern, cigar, cover up, Currie, perjury, Vernon Jordan (conservative attack frame) condemn, denounce, immoral, inappropriate, remove, unfit, conservative activists, House Managers, special prosecutor (liberal response frame) liberals accuse, unconstitutional, partisan, misuse of power, sanctimonious Republicans, coup d?etat, right wing conspiracy
Friday, August 22, 2003
We Haven't Had That Spirit Here Since 1969
I like the out of doors. Campin?, hikin?, bikin?, blastin? beasts with large bore weapons--all stuff I enjoy immensely. But it seems every time I go out in the woods I run into some whiny little puke who sounds like Beavis and Butthead?s teacher telling me that I am, in some arcane fashion, abusing Our Mother The Earth. A while back I was hiking with a couple of friends in New Hampshire?s White Mountains. After trekking up a decent-sized mountain we came to a large, flat, rocky area where several other hikers were hanging out, enjoying the view and having a snack. I broke out an apple, polished it off and zinged it down the side of the mountain. ?Hey!? an unemployed social worker exclaimed. ?There are bears down there!? I just kind of laughed it off when another joined in. ?We practice leave no trace here!? said another, angry and indignant. ?It was a fuggin? apple core? I say, starting to get annoyed. They then began berating me for putting them in harm?s way (the bears were going to get them later, they said) and for polluting the pristine environment. After nearly coming to blows, I finally told them that I did not practice ?Leave No Trace? and we headed back down the mountain. I was reminded of this story yesterday when I saw the middle column of yesterday?s Journal. It seems the Boy Scouts are no longer encouraging the scouts to build campfires, citing "Leave No Trace". In hikes into the Sierra Nevada back country, scouts often are told not to light fires. Doug Aubushon, facilities manager of the camp, helped guide one trip when boys camped in the dark and took apart rings of stones and that had been created for campfires, going so far as to wash the rocks. ?I hate campfires anymore,? Mr. Aubushon says. They washed the rocks. Never to be outdone, or behind the trend curve, the Federal gubment has gotten into the act: The US Forest Service two years ago declared campfires off limits in large parts of four California wilderness areas in the Sierra Nevada. Rangers said too many fallen tree limbs were being used as firewood. FALLEN tree limbs! People weren?t chopping down trees to make fires, they were using the dead stuff. You might think that would be okay. They said the limbs are needed to help enrich the soil as they decay. So that is how our boys are learning to be men, being brought up with this nutty environmental nonsense, being scared of everything? Scoutmaster James Camp, a 42-year-old owner of a construction company says he permits only one fire on every seven-day trip. ?You?re looking at a hazard, boys and fire,? he said. ?The problem is if any kid gets hurt, the parents could go after the Boy Scouts, and maybe even us adult leaders.? Now that's leadership. Watch out you terrorists of the future. We're raising some serious ass-kickin' boys here!
They Say These Jobs Are Going Boys & They Ain't Coming Back
Wake up white collar people! Overseas "outsourcing" is becoming increasingly common: During the quarter, ADC eliminated 300 additional jobs, dropping its total to 5,800 employees. The company has cut about 17,000 jobs in the past three years. ADC also broadly hinted that it is poised to shed more jobs by transferring work to a subsidiary, ADC India. A former employee of ADC's finance department said Wednesday the firm is preparing to lay off the 14 remaining members of that department in December and shift those jobs to ADC India, a move that may signal a trend. Switz said ADC has considered outsourcing to India some of its "back office operations," such as accounting, some information technology functions and other jobs that fall in the category of operating expenses. He said a $45,000 employee in Eden Prairie could be replaced with a counterpart in India who would earn $2,000 to $5,000 a year. Switz declined to comment on the former employee's allegations that ADC soon will begin outsourcing to its Indian subsidiary its accounts payable, credit collection, cash application (crediting payments to proper customer accounts), fixed asset accounting and travel and entertainment reimbursement operations. But, Switz said, "It's fair to say that all those categories qualify as back office operations."
Camelot! It's Only A Model
The local saga of the money pit called the Hiawatha light rail line continues: Everyone knows a new car loses value the minute it's driven off the dealer's lot, but that's nothing compared with what the Metropolitan Council faced. The council spent $605,737 last year for a model of one of its Hiawatha light-rail cars. Ten months later, it sold it back to the Canadian manufacturer, Bombardier, for $60,000. "I've heard of depreciation, but this is absurd," Rep. Phil Krinkie, R-Shoreview, said Thursday. "This is an embarrassment that the Met Council would accept such a ridiculously low offer."
Defending His Life
Last month the United States Secret Service and its agents came under fire from, among others, Michelle Malkin, who referred to them as buffoons for their handling of cartoonist Michael Ramirez. This cartoon by Ramirez was interpreted by the Secret Service as a threat against the President and agents were dispatched to interview Ramirez on the matter.  Common sense would seem to indicate that Ramirez, actually a rather conservative voice in the world of political cartoonists, posed no danger to the President and the Secret Service was wasting precious resources investigating him. One of my oldest and dearest friends happens to be an agent of the Secret Service and he currently serves on the personal protection detail for President Bush. In the past he has protected Hillary and Chelsea Clinton, Dick Cheney, and the Bush girls among many others. Recently he was in Minneapolis for a rare vacation and I had a chance to catch up with him on a variety of subjects including his very interesting job. And although the Secret Service is hardly above criticism I think that the agency, and especially its agents, has recently taken far more abuse than they rightly deserve. First the Ramirez case. To the average person it appears ridiculous to have SS agents investigating a well-known political cartoonist. But it follows what has been the standard operating procedure for the agency. They make no assumptions and allow no exceptions. The policy on threats against the POTUS is actually quit simple. Take them all seriously and check them all out. My friend has conducted numerous interviews over the years with people guilty of nothing more than having a few two many beers on a Friday night in a tavern and uttering a drunken threat against the President. Or sending an e-mail to the White House that included threatening language. If they receive a report of a threat they investigate it. Always. It doesn't matter who you are or how well known you are as a local politician in a Western state found out a few years ago. They take the maxim CYA to the extreme. In the aftermath of an assassination attempt the last thing the Secret Service wants to hear is, "You should have checked this guy out before" or "Why didn't you follow up on the information you received on this guy?". It may seem over the top at times but that's the way they operate. They also do not make assumptions. They treat everyone as a potential threat. This includes military personnel (the grenade attack in the 101st in Kuwait is a good example of what could happen), police officers, workers from other government agencies, and even their fellow Secret Service agents. We watch each other is the way my friend described it. Another important thing to remember is that the Secret Service has now been rolled up into that black hole of bureaucracy known as the Department of Homeland Security. My friend charitably describes the DOHS as "a frickin' joke". You don?t even want to know what he thinks about Tom Ridge. In the past the Secret Service reported through the Department of Treasury and was accorded a measure of respect and independence. Now it's merely another cog in the immense DOHS gear. They're very low on the priority list for the DOHS in both budgetary and political matters. And even worse as far as the agents are concerned is the way they are treated by the very people they may someday give their lives to protect. They have to deal with snotty political staffers more concerned with appearances than security. Again as my friend describes it, Secret Service agents are at the bottom of the totem pole at the White House just below the janitors. Most of the agents who work at the White House are not allowed to park on the White House grounds. Instead they are expected to find a legal parking spot in the vicinity and walk to work. Which is not a pleasant experience when it's a sweltering day in DC and you've got to hoof it for six blocks in a dark suit carrying a duffel bag with all your gear (no lockers for the agents in the White House either). And if they happen to park in the wrong spot the park police will nail them with a parking ticket despite the fact that their vehicles are clearly identified as belonging to a government agent. My friend has piled up over $200 in tickets himself over the last six months in DC and knows of other agents who have more than $1000 in fines. The tickets are an out of pocket expense for the agents who aren't exactly hauling down big money to begin with. The Secret Service, like any government agency, is far from perfect and obviously improvements can and should be made. But its agents are, for the most part, dedicated, hardworking folks with a thankless job. If they do everything right no one notices. If they make a mistake everyone knows about it. They are under staffed, under funded, and under appreciated. Instead of giving 'em grief, for once let's give 'em a break. They deserve nothing less.
The Atomizer's Mom Has Got It Going On
The Atomizer's mother sent us a note saying that her boy has a tummy ache and won't be reporting to the office today to finish up his latest update on the future status of First Avenue. Speculation now is that it may become the world's largest Bennigan's. She also sent along this missive, laying down some of the immutable laws of trivia at Keegan's Irish pub (owned and operated by Terry Keegan) for our benefit: The appellation of the Atomizer Clan has been besmirched in the blogosphere, and as matriarch, I must respond. Not in defense of our good pseudonym, for it needs none, but rather to explain to you some of the finer points of Tuesday Trivia at Keegan?s. Rule Number One: There Is No Whining in Trivia (TINWIT). As Terry is wont to repeat, he is the judge of all questions, the arbiter of all disputes, and probably the Lord High Executioner as well. (We have seen him in action in the first two capacities but are reluctant to test him on the third.) Anyway, when Team K complained that we were cheated out of a run-of-the-board win simply because we neglected to add Jr. to the correct answer of Cal Ripken, Terry unfeelingly responded TINWIT. We are still smarting. Rule Number Two: As Tuesday Trivia Titan, Terry retains the prerogative to ask the same question more than once and also to change the answer. To wit: One week the question was ?What was the first English settlement in America?? Team K astutely answered Jamestown, but alas the answer was announced as Roanoke. In a subsequent contest, the same question was asked. Being fast learners, Team K answered Roanoke, but the official response that week was Jamestown. Did we complain? No, because TINWIT. Rule Number Three: Although there can be only four players on a team, this does not preclude the presence of onlookers, admirers and other gaping groupies (some people just like to observe greatness). So when you see more than the officially allowed number around a table (including the after-quiz visits with the publicans), do not assume malfeasance. As for our purported generational advantage, with the exception of one week when Grandma Atomizer was visiting, Team K does not play with ?various generations,? but rather with exactly two. The grandkids don?t participate because (a) 8 o?clock is their bedtime, (b) they think Guinness is yucky, and (c) they know very little about fey English poetry (although they probably could have fielded the Barbie question ? maybe you need a toddler on your team!). Furthermore, since you are relative newcomers to the games, you may not be aware that Team K usually competes and wins with just three players and sometimes with only two. In these instances we have made the case to the innkeeper that we deserve four free drinks, and maybe two extra for playing with a handicap. But you guessed his answer: TINWIT! You also may not know that although currently we are on a roll, there have been dry spells (literally) when the mighty Morgans, the sassy Stoltzes, the conquering Curb Feelers and a few other upstarts have emerged victorious. In these instances we have graciously congratulated the winners and asked them humbly, ?How the hell did you know that Norman Hartnell designed Queen Elizabeth?s wedding dress???? Perhaps your team would do better at the new Trivia Lite to be inaugurated soon. Team K readily admits that we would do very badly at questions pegged to pop culture of the 80?s and 90?s. That, in fact, was proven the week the Keegans were in Ireland and young Master Marty usurped the role of quizmaster. I think we scored a big 10 that night. But rather than consider it a defeat, we wear the loss as a badge of honor. After all, who can really take pride in knowing the first names of Starsky and Hutch or that Punky Brewster?s mother abandoned her in a supermarket? Rather than stuffing our heads with such fluff, we were busy during that era with more pressing matters (like changing the diapers or financing the maybe-not-so-comprehensive educations of those who now seem to care about such things). But if you choose to continue playing with the big kids, we wish you luck in recruiting a savvy senior citizen to help you out. But be careful. Although living longer means one has more time to acquire knowledge, one frequently forgets what happened last week (shall we just say that granny?s attic can get a bit cluttered?). So vet your oldster well and send her forth for battle. You are worthy competitors and you may gain wisdom with age (however it?s acquired) ? but along the way: TINWIT! Bring on the Starsky and Hutch questions baby.
Thursday, August 21, 2003
As a well known contrarian, I must take issue with the Elder's post describing his disdain for the Minnesota State Fair.
I love the Fair. I love everything about the Fair. First of all, I love the food. 90% of the food served at the Fair is fried and fried food tastes good. You could stick an old pair of Nike shoes into an Auto Fry machine and it would taste incredible. Who gives a rip if two servings of deep fried cheese curds could make your heart implode. That crap just plain tastes good. If you doubt the value of deep fried goodness, try munching on an unfried wedge of potato. It is crisp but lifeless. Then sample a wedge of that same potato after it has soaked in boiling oil for two minutes. The difference is immeasurable. Then there are the smells. Ahhh the wonderful smells. If I can smell anything in the latter part of August, I'm incredibly grateful. Usually, those cursed microspores known as pollen have thrown my honker completely out of whack by this time. When I'm not sneezing, I'm wiping my nose and when I'm not wiping my nose, I'm rubbing my eyes. When I'm not rubbing my eyes, I'm drinking...but that's beside the point. The State Fair smells like...well...college, and I loved college. There's the stench of stale beer, a staple in any college residence. There's the smell of B.O., much like the lingering odor of your roommates who never showered after the morning of freshman orientation. There's the smell of 75 varieties of food, which reminds me of the science experiment that was my refrigerator. Animal manure and dormitory toilet room... enough said. Odors are very evocative and those at the State Fair bring me back to a time when I had no money, yet went out every night. They remind me of the years that I lived in relative squalor, but was happy. I'm reminded of the nights that I played darts and drank beer until 3AM despite the fact that I had a differential equations exam at 8:00 the next morning. Yes, the State Fair smells like hedonism...and hedonism is a good thing. Finally, there are the people. While the Fair sanctioned freak shows may have vanished, there is certainly no shortage of freaks at the fairgrounds. Grab yourself a brew, park your ass on a bench and watch the freak show that is reality pass in front of you. No matter how bad you feel about yourself, whether you think you're too fat or you think your front teeth are too big or you feel that the zit on your forehead may soon envelop the entirety of your head, you can always spot someone who is worse off than you. This little exercise can be very therapeutic. When you can turn to the friend seated next to you and say "At least I'm not as bad as THAT guy", you've really reached a milestone in the journey of self acceptance. So, to recap: fried food is good, noxious smells can evoke happiness and freaks make you feel better about yourself. Now, just in case my fondness for the State Fair might damage my uber-curmudgeon status at Fraters World Headquarters, I will offer you this: I hate puppies, babies and world peace. Bah!!! Labels: State Fair
Look JB I got nothing against the giant cows. In fact if the State Fair were nothing but giant cows I'd probably be down there every day.
Labels: State Fair
Sparks May Fly
You want alt-country? I got your alt-country right here. And he'll be at the Fair all next week.
Why We Like It Here
"....and a giant cow just walked by." Michael Medved reporting from the Fair. Take that, Elder.
Ga-ack! Rush Limbaugh Is In My Paper! And My Bathing Suit Still Doesn't Fit!
On Sunday the Minneapolis Star Tribune published an editorial by Rush Limbaugh, the significance of which I noted here. Not surprisingly the appearance of Rush's piece drew the ire of some of the tolerant, open minded, and intellectually enlightened lefties in town. Here's my fav from Wednesday's Letters from readers: I was troubled when I saw that the Star Tribune featured a commentary by Rush Limbaugh, a notorious racist hatemonger whose points of view are more about sharpening the sword of divisiveness than uniting us. He is nothing but a right-wing demagogue and haranguer of the intolerant and undereducated. I will not hesitate to discontinue my subscription should more of his work appear in so prominent a position again. It is embarrassing to have such a paper delivered to the door of my otherwise enlightened and tolerant home and community. To have this hideous scourge occupy this prime space in your paper as you did shames us all as Minnesotans. -Cathy Grisham, Minneapolis. You know I understand where Cathy is coming from and feel her pain. The idea that you would have to open your Sunday paper and read commentary from someone who represents an extreme viewpoint that you vehemently disagree with is quite disturbing... Wait a minute. Isn't that exactly what I (and other local conservatives) have been going through with the Strib for about TWENTY FREAKIN' YEARS ?!?! Gee Cathy I'm so sorry that you seeing an editorial by Rush Limbaugh in the Strib spoiled your perfect little day. Welcome to my world. Or more accurately my nightmare. I've had to put with a continuous barrage of the leftist rantings of Krugman, Dowd, Scheer, and worst of all Molly bleepin' Ivins staring me in the face at the breakfast table day after day, year after year. Publishing one editorial by Rush doesn't even begin to compensate for the suffering that I've endured at the hands of the Strib editorial page. Don't become too troubled about editorials you don't like Cathy. You'll learn to live with it baby. I have.
"Would You Like That, Punk?"
Since the days of the hanging judge are well behind us my community might just have to settle for a judge who administers a little beeotch slappin' justice: When a Hennepin County district judge tracked down two teenagers he thought had taken his son's bike, he allegedly told one, "If you ever mess with my family again you will disappear," according to misdemeanor assault charges filed Wednesday against the judge. The charges also accuse Judge Harvey Ginsberg of hitting the boys and say that he identified himself as a judge to one and threatened to get the boy charged with a felony. He might even have a bit of Dirty Harry in him: One teenager told the officer that Ginsberg asked which one of them had stolen the bike and then slapped both of them in the face. The first boy, who admitted taking the bike and hiding it behind the drugstore as a joke, said he rode away on his bike because he didn't want to get hit. The judge grabbed the other boy off his bike, threw him onto a wooden bench, held him by the throat and threatened, "If you mess with my family again you will be dead," the complaint said. That boy was able to free himself and told Ginsberg he was going to call police. Then Ginsberg said: "Go ahead, I'm a judge and I'll have you charged with a felony for temporary theft." When the boy said the bike wasn't worth a felony, Ginsberg said, "Then I'll have you charged with a gross and you can go to juvy for the night. Would you like that, punk?" the complaint said. But did he really slap the punks or merely administer a stern "patting"? The complaint said the judge later admitted lightly patting the boy on the cheek, but denied other physical contact or threatening him or his family. If this ever goes to trial, which is highly unlikely, I would stand in line to be on the jury. Bike thieves in St. Louis Park be warned. Judge Harvey Ginsberg is on the case. And he's not afraid to open a can of pat ass either.
Today the 2003 version of the Minnesota State Fair a.k.a. The Great Minnesota Get Together kicks off. People come from all over the state and even from all over the country to attend the twelve day event and from now until it ends the local media will be saturated with coverage of the State Fair. You won't be able to pick up a newspaper (I just can?t get enough of that Farley), turn on a radio, or watch thirty seconds of the local TV news without hearing about it. Your coworkers will talk endlessly about it, droning on and on about all the food they consumed and wondering when you're going. It will soon be all Fair all the time.
God I hate it. Yes I hate the State Fair. Actually I don't have anything in particular against the State Fair. Generally speaking I hate all fairs. County fairs, state fairs, diversity fairs, job fairs you put the name fair behind something and I hate it. And lest you dismiss me as a cynical post modernist who dislikes fairs because of their middle class bourgeoisie banality let me assure you that I hate the hip Uptown Art Fair just as much. Don't even get me started on my hatred for the Minnesota Renaissance Festival. It features the highest density of freaks and geeks imaginable. Why can't we revive the Black Plague and have it sweep through the Renaissance Festival and all those who participate in the nonsense? In fact I'll expand my spite beyond fairs to include all festivals (which damn near every city and town in Minnesota feels a need to put on), carnivals, circuses, and parades. Why do I despise them all so? Let's start with the food. Overpriced, fried crap. Every year people who otherwise have decent tastes in food delude themselves into believing that cramming cheese curds, corn dogs, and fried Snickers down your gullet until you're just about ready to hurl (and unfortunately past that point for some) is an enjoyable way to spend a day. And then there are smells. The wafting aroma of fried crap, cotton candy, rotting garbage, overflowing porta potties, stale beer, and BO fills your nostrils the minute you set foot into one of these events. Throw in the odor of animal manure and the added effects of hot humid weather over two weeks and you've captured the essence of the Minnesota State Fair. And bring on the crowds. Crowds of sweaty, smelly, pushy, sticky, fleshy, pressing people all trying to get somewhere fast without having any idea where they're going. Parents pushing strollers the size of the Apollo lunar rover oblivious to anyone in their path. Families so grossly overweight that they've got smaller families orbiting around them. Idiots jabbering into their cell phones while trying to walk and chew gum, failing miserably at all three. In late August when the temps can sometimes linger in the low 90?s with high humidity, the State Fair is about the closest you can come to the squalor of the Third World without leaving Minnesota. It?s like a virtual slums of Calcutta experience. But what about all the fun you can have at a fair you ask? Fun? The midways consist of lame rides, rigged games, and trashy prizes. The one thing I used to enjoy about the State Fair was the freak shows. The barkers trying to lure you in to see the Lobster Boy or the Snake Lady. Now that was entertainment. But in a pique of political correctness the powers that be banished the freak shows from the Fair some years ago. The one thing I really liked. Gone. The other thing that I used to enjoy was Machinery Hill. Big honking tractors, enormous combines, and all the latest in farm implements. That too is now a thing of the past. As much as I hate it I'll probably find myself at the State Fair at some point this year to see some radio personalities (and Dave Thompson) if nothing else. I'll check out the animal barn, "Look at the size of that hog's....", and hit the beer gardens to maintain my sanity. Oh I'll go to the Fair all right. As a Minnesotan I almost have to. But damnit I won't like it. Labels: State Fair
Wednesday, August 20, 2003
Take Me Out to the Ballgame (Or Somewhere Else)
As shown in my earlier post about Pioneer Press writer Gordon Wittenmeyer, he?s not exactly the most insightful observer of the Twins. But at least he does attend the games (I think). Which is not the case with sportswriters out in Sacramento. This from today?s Sacramento Bee (via James Phillips): An apology to our readers On Aug. 7, a story on the cover of the Sports section about the Giants game at Pacific Bell Park was filed by a Bee reporter who was not at the game. The reporter watched the game on television at a location away from the stadium. He filed his story without telling editors at The Bee his true location, leaving the impression he covered the game from the ballpark. In addition, it was discovered later that the story included quotes from other media outlets that were unattributed and old, made to reporters on a previous occasion before the day of the game. The story violated basic journalistic values and ethics as practiced by The Bee. The reporter involved, Jim Van Vliet, no longer works at the newspaper. The Bee regrets the situation and apologizes to its readers.
Generation Gap Sinks Fraters Trivia Team
The tension at Keegan?s pub before the start of Tuesday night's trivia contest was palpable. You could almost see it hanging in the air like the billowing smoke arising from the table where the Atomizer's family (a.k.a. Team K) was hunkered down. The patriarch of Team K was talking smack as I suppose he was entitled to do with his team on a three week winning streak and all (all three victories coming despite or possibly due to the absence of the Atomizer). You need to walk the walk if you're going to talk the talk and Team K had been walking over all comers of late. But this time they faced a new challenge. For the first time in Keegan's trivia history three members of the Fraters Libertas staff would be competing on one team. Plus we had my wife on board as well to give us some gender diversity. We were ready to dethrone Team K. Our pencil was sharp. Our minds even sharper. Alas it was not to be. We finished with a respectable score of 20 out of a possible 25 which placed us in third just out of the money (free drinks). On two of the questions we missed we had the correct answer offered up but unwisely elected to go with another choice. On the other three we didn't have much of a chance. 1. What city and country was Florence Nightingale born in? 2. In the 40's who was the second most recognizable female after Eleanor Roosevelt? 3. What is the name of the controversial Barbie doll with removable tattoos? Team K meanwhile chalked up 23 correct to once again take the top prize. At least this time there didn't appear to be any collusion between the owner of Keegan's and Team K. They won fair and square. Well as fair and square as possible considering they had six people at their table despite the rules clearly stipulating no more than four per team. But that wasn't really a factor. The better team won last night and they were not shy about letting us know about. Winners talk, losers walk. In the aftermath of the defeat we discussed the causes of our downfall and what we could do differently next time. We all agreed that one of our weaknesses was that all four members of our team were in close proximity of age. We're all Gen X'ers or members of the Thirteenth Generation as I much prefer to label it, and we lack the generational diversity of Team K. Either that or we all ate too much lead paint as kids. We also realized that the true strength of the Team K familia lay not in the paters but rather with the maters. We could stand toe to toe against the Atomizer and his pere any day but the mother proved to be the difference maker. As the Atomizer's sister said, "My mom knows all kinds of obscure stuff." Like the name of the Barbie with removable tattoos for instance. So we're looking to expand our horizons. If you're a woman fifty five to seventy five of sound mind and possessing plenty of useless knowledge who doesn't mind wasting your Tuesday evenings we have a spot for you. Being a mother a plus. A grandmother is even better. Resumes now being accepted. In case you're curious it's Florence, Italy Betty Crocker and Butterfly Art Barbie.
Strike One
From this past Sunday?s baseball fan Q & A column by Gordon Wittenmeyer (the Pioneer Press?s beat writer for the Twins): Q: With their recent pitching problems, why have the Twins not looked into bringing up Carlos Pulido from Class AAA Rochester? A: .... He's not considered a big-league prospect, despite his gaudy numbers at Rochester, and still has trouble getting out left-handed hitters. Pulido, 32, has a slim shot at getting a call-up when rosters expand Sept. 1, but you won't see him before that, and probably not even in September. Wittenmeyer again, from today?s Twins notes column: Left-hander Carlos Pulido, 32, who returned to the organization as a minor league free agent after pitching for the Twins in 1994, was promoted from Class AAA Rochester to take Rick Reed's roster spot. Nice call Gordo. Either Pulido had a Lazarus-like resurrection of his game in the past two days or perhaps Wittenmeyer should actually have a clue as to Twins' management intentions before answering these types of questions. Not too much to ask of the guy who?s assigned to, you know, cover the team. And proving once again, TwinsGeek should be the primary source for all your Twins insight-related needs.
I feel compelled to inform you all that Team Atomizer trounced all challengers last night at Keegan's Pub trivia, including the team made up of The Elder, Saint Paul and JB Doubtless. The streak of consecutive victories now stands at four weeks.
Despite Saint Paul's protests to the contrary, it was a fair contest. Remember, Saint Paul, there is no whining in trivia. Labels: Trivial Pursuits
Tuesday, August 19, 2003
Low Watts From Hightower
Jim Hightower is currently being emasculated by Michael Medved's Mischevious Malice Maker. He was trying to make the point that there were "several" democratic movements that the US did not support in the Mid East over the years. MM asked him to name one. He tip toed through the tulips, not answering the question. MM asked again. Again, thinking he was of superior rhetorical ability, he did his best to not directly answer the question at hand. MM, exhausted, said "I will ask one more time, can you name one democratic movement?" Hightower, knowing the jig was up, finally pathetically responded "I can't. This is not an area of specialty for me." Not "an area of specialty". He goes on the radio as a professional political spewer, but one of the most obvious political topics is beyond him? Anyone ever wonder why his radio show never made it?
All's Fair In Love And Eating
Okay, it?s almost time for the Fair. And no offense to the talk radio hosts who will be in attendance, but we go to the fair for the food by God, the food! Thankfully, this year, the nice fair folks have catalogued the goodies alphabetically with maps so you can start planning now how to get from the Dogzilla (1/3 pound foot long corn dog) stand to the macaroni and cheese on a stick while hitting as many beer gardens as possible.
Costernation
Saw Open Range last night. Bottom line: it?s okay. While being beautifully shot, the pacing of the thing blew. It was like watching fireworks and you are 10 minutes in and they give you three or four big to-dos in a row and you think ?Okay, the grand finale? but then it happens again and you think the same thing. Then they launch some lame garbage for another 5 minutes and you wonder what the hell is going on and if there will ever be a grand finale at all. The acting is good. I?m glad the actors didn?t decide to put on fake southern accents as they often do for Westerns (that has always puzzled me). And Annette Bening looked damn good as the Doc?s sister and Costner?s love interest. But again, pacing. The movie takes considerable time to build up to the final shoot out and instead of just giving it to us, wrapping up the romance line and ending the thing, it has to be drawn out for 45 minutes. It was almost as if Costner were consciously trying to avoid the cliched ending with this approach--a strange thing to do considering the other clichés that fly fast and furious throughout the entire movie. One other gripe, the fat clerk from ER a cowboy aint. A Star Trek Fan Club President, yes. A Simpsons web site host, yes. A Risk board game genius, undoubtedly. I just couldn?t buy him as a cowboy. For a much better review of what could have been a great movie, go here.
We Know He'll Be Fair But What About Balanced?
With the unfortunate passing of his father this week, talk radio host extraordinaire Hugh Hewitt will not be able to make his scheduled appearance this Friday at the Minnesota State Fair . Instead James Lileks, who was slated to appear as a guest with Hugh that day, will take the reigns of the show with the able help of Hugh's producer Duane. It should be a rollicking three hours of radio and it will be fun to hear Lileks unleashed with plenty of air time to fill. Hugh is supposed to arrive in Minnesota on Saturday to do a special broadcast from the Fair from 12:00pm to 2:00pm on local station AM 1280 - The Patriot. Unless of course Lileks turns in a virtuoso performance on Friday and Hugh becomes known as the Wally Pipp of the broadcasting world. Since we're on the subject on radio shows and Lileks I thought I would mention an interesting item I caught last Friday while listening to the Ian Punnett show (yes, there was NOTHING else on the radio at the time). Lileks had appeared on Punnett's show a number of times on Friday mornings for a segment on music but then about a month ago the Lileks appearances suddenly ceased without explanation. Then last Friday Punnett finally addressed the matter by explaining that Lileks had become busy and had elected to "take the rest of the summer off" from appearing on his show. Funny but I wasn't aware that writing was such a seasonal occupation. Punnett then went on to guarantee (his exact word) his listeners that Lileks would be back one day soon. Maybe they can feature the Peaches & Herb classic 'Reunited' on their first show back together: Reunited and it feels so good Reunited 'cause we understood There's one perfect fit And, sugar, this one is it We both are so excited 'cause we're reunited, hey, hey
The Worst Nightmare For A Driver In Minnesota
A woman. On her cell phone. Driving a gargantuan SUV. 'Nuf said.
Although successive US generals proclaimed victory at hand, American soldiers kept dying in ambushes, telegraph lines kept getting cut, and army convoys kept getting attacked.
If you substitute oil pipelines for telegraph lines you could easily be describing the situation in Iraq today. But the description is of the Philippine War from Max Boot's much praised (and deservedly so) book The Savage Wars of Peace: Small Wars and the Rise of American Power: Pacifying the Philippines had proved to be much more difficult than virtually anyone had predicted. Between 1898 and 1902, a total of 126,468 American soldiers served there (though never more than 69,000 at one time) and fought in 2,811 engagements. By July 4, 1902 the US had lost 4,234 dead and suffered 2,818 wounded. By comparison, only 379 Americans were lost in combat in the Spanish-American War. By their own count US forces killed 16,000 Filipinos in combat. As many as 200,000 civilians also died, victims of disease and famine and the cruelties of both sides. Yet in the end the US did triumph. Decisively. Hopefully the Philippine War will not prove to be the model for the current counter-insurgency in Iraq. It was a nasty brutish war on both sides and far too many soldiers and civilians died as a result. And we certainly don't want to wait forty years before allowing the Iraqis to have complete independence as we did with the Philippines. But it is an example that needs to be recalled more often, especially when most members of the mainstream media historical grasp of conflicts of this sort begins and ends with Vietnam. There are also political lessons that a certain party should draw from the Philippine War: Aguinaldo (the Filipino guerilla leader) intensified his campaign in the months leading up to the US election of 1900, hoping to deliver a victory for the Democratic candidate, William Jennings Bryan, who had proclaimed his opposition to imperialism. Some of the more outspoken American anti-imperialists even openly wished for Aguinaldo's victory "against our army of subjugation, tyranny, and oppression." Many soldiers were bitter about the antiwar rhetoric coming from home. "If I am shot by a Filipino bullet," complained General Henry Lawton, who was in fact killed shortly thereafter, "it might just as well come from one of my own men...because...the continuance of the fighting is chiefly due to reports that are sent from America." The perceived link between the insurrectos and the Democrats backfired for both. The Republicans were able to paint their opponents as unpatriotic, and Bryan, who had actually abandoned anti-imperialism as an issue just before the election, was trounced by the McKinley-Roosevelt ticket. Labels: Iraq
There Is Unrest In The Forest, There Is Trouble With The Trees
It looks to me like we have a clear case of tree terrorism here (via Drudge). They're fighting back against those evil SUVs, folks. Consider yourselves warned. I understand several squirrels were seen parading along the forest floor with tree fragments in their claws praising the tree's ultimate sacrifice and proclaiming victory over the infidel invaders.
Margin Of Error: 3.996 Trillion
Even when they think they've made their point at the New York Times, they're wrong.
Monday, August 18, 2003
Impartial And Even
Isn't this precious. Stick to making salad dressing, Paul, and leave the sarcasm to the professionals.
An occasional loss can be ennobling. Chronic loss can be crippling. Right now I'm somewhere in the middle and the trend ain't good.
No, I'm not talking about my recent descent in choosing worthy topics to blog about (Mark Dayton, Brian Lambert, the City Pages). I'm talking about much more serious matters. Trivia, to be precise. Keegan?s, a classy Irish bar on the fringes of nordeast Minneapolis, hosts a Tuesday night trivia challenge. By happenstance a few months back I found myself there with a fellow Fraters Libertarian, and we commenced to clean house. (And then we put our brooms away, sat down, and played some trivia.) Actually, we came in second. But given the sophisticated level of the questions (think NTN times 10), the non-multiple choice style of questioning (delivered in mic-wielding, Socratic fashion by the bar owner), the stiff level of competition, and the stiffer nature of the bar pour, it felt like victory. More to the point, it felt like victory because we got the same prize as those who came in first--a free drink. Of course, I considered the future attainment of first place a mere formality. Pay a little more attention, spend a little less time monitoring the Twins game on the TV, slow the booze's neurological numbing affect by nursing my black-and-tans a little more, and stop shouting down teammates who doubt my knowledge of sub-Saharan African geography, and victory would surely follow. Or so I thought. How painfully wrong I was. Despite our best efforts, in four subsequent attempts at Keegan's trivia not a single free drink was earned. Our scores have flattened out to 16 out of 25 questions correct, which gets you nothing more than third place (at best), a pitying yet empathetic look from the owner's pretty wife when she hands back your scorecard, and the torturous realization that your public school education has placed yet another insurmountable obstacle in your path. But over time this pain does go away, usually by the time the next round of drinks arrives. What doesn't go away so easily are the nagging suspicions that perhaps we ain't really as dumb as we look. Yes, we only get 16 out of 25 correct and that fact is not in dispute. Objectively speaking, it is what it is. But it's the relative measurement that bothers me. Are there really at least two other teams better than we? I will concede perhaps there is one. A group of four men whose age, appearance, and personal hygiene lead me to believe they are either tenured college professors or the smartest group homeless guys on University Avenue (cosmetically speaking, the difference is negligible). During the game they caustically laugh and knowingly nod, meaning either they know the answers or are very self-satisfied in their selection of seasoned curly fries over the waffle cut potato wedges to accompany their fish sandwiches. However, they have yet to actually win a match, since another team is consistently announced as bringing home the free booze. Week after week, this same team wins. According to sources, this team is composed of various generations of one family. A family related to our very own Atomizer. I don't want to start a firestorm of controversy here, but since my sacred honor and reputation as a guy who knows a lot of useless facts is at stake, I feel compelled to publicly present my evidence that maybe they're not the knowledge juggernaut they comport themselves to be. This is from an email I circulated to interested parties last week. The Emperor has no clothes. Plus, the Atomizers' trivia prowess at Keegans ain't all it's cracked up to be. Yes, they're smart people. But something smells rotten (besides those college professors in the corner). I'm not necessarily accusing anyone of putting the fix on the game. But the appearance of impropriety is, well, apparent. It's clear the Keegans know the Atomizers well. After announcing their inevitable victories, the two families socialize with each other--laughing it up for 30 minutes after the game. To me and the rest of the losers in the bar, it looks unseemly. Is it reasonable to suspect that given their relationship, perhaps Keegan is gearing many of the questions to the known knowledge set of his good pals the Atomizers (maybe subconsciously, maybe not) ? Is this why we get a half dozen questions on fey English poetry and not one about 80's TV, just to mix it up a bit? (Not that I'd necessarily feel good about winning the contest because I know what the initials ALF stand for, but still.) As I said, it's not an intentional fixing I'm worried about, rather it's the intrinsic, institutional bias that haunts my every waking hour. Also, the presence of repeat questions is profoundly disturbing. The last two weeks I've heard questions already asked in previous weeks. Since the Atomizers are there all the time and have been holding court since the day the place opened, it wouldn't surprise me if they already heard 20 of the 25 questions in advance. I cannot remain silent on these matters any longer, since the half-baked, circumstantial evidence of malfeasance has reached a critical mass. Please respond with all haste, as the credibility of big league trivia in the Twin Cities hangs in the balance. Anyone out there with further information on these matters is encouraged to contact the relevant authorities. And soon. Tuesday rapidly approaches, yet there's still a chance for justice. Labels: Trivial Pursuits
Sad News
We have just heard that Hugh Hewitt's father has passed away. We wish to offer our sincerest condolences to Hugh and his family. R.I.P.
Yeah, But Was He Better Than Elvis?
I really think this story will give Gray Davis the boost he needs to survive this whole recall thing.
Will The Apparent Rush To Address The Strib's Scheer Bias Continue?
In recent months I've noticed that the Minneapolis Star Tribune editorial page seems to be offering up more pieces that represent the conservative point of view. Of course they still feed us heavy does of Krugman, Ivins, and Dowd but conservative voices are breaking through more and more often. Yesterday's front page of the editorial section was a perfect example. The page was devoted to the California recall and alongside the usual left wing drivel from Robert Scheer appeared a piece from George Will and most shocking of all Rush Limbaugh writing on how the liberal elite hates losing control. Two out of the three editorials were by conservatives. Was I really reading the Minneapolis Star Tribune? In the past George Will was often the token conservative columnist featured in the editorial pages of the Strib. Six months ago the notion of a Will editorial and a piece by Rush appearing on the same page in the Strib would have been inconceivable. In fact the idea of the Strib even publishing Rush would have seemed far fetched. The times appear to be changing.
The Top Bulldog
John Hawkins at Right Wing News has asked a group of bloggers (including us) to select the The Greatest Figures Of The 20th Century. The number one vote getter should not come as much of a surprise.
Sunday, August 17, 2003
The Fraters Echo Effect
In advance of Rick Rickert?s excellent adventure in Slovenia, King over at SCSU Scholars reports his observations on what faces not-ready-for-prime-time US athletes attempting to make a go of it in Europe. Also, Mitch Berg expounds on my post about the City Pages Babelogue and their role in the burgeoning ?No Justice, No Pants? movement. His contrasting of mass blogging exercises among the Right and the Left bears repeating: Right Blogs - Coordinated blogging on Iranian independence day, to draw attention to the anti-theocracy protesters and their suffering, and to support their yearning for freedom. Left Blogs - Coordinated blogging on behalf of comic Al Franken, to support his yearning for relevance. Right Blogs - Gang fact-checking the New York Times, eventually helping to lead to the exposure of a culture of PC and disregard for the truth at the Old Gray Lady. Left Blogs - "Cyber-mooning" Fox News. And in my final attempt to move the news cycle forward, no word yet from Drudge, Instapundit, George Will, or Charles Krauthammer on my passionate appeals for their assistance in making CiCi Anderson a national star. Developing.....
Saturday, August 16, 2003
The City Pages Babelogue: Pressed Hams Under Glass
People are constantly telling me there?s no joy in reading the blogs associated with the local alternative newspaper, the City Pages. Between the seething, hysterical anti-Bush ranting, the wild-eyed John Ashcroft-related conspiracy theorizing, and the general level of obscenities and vulgarities, even for Lefty fellow travelers it?s an unpleasant exercise trying to get through even a couple of these things. (That is, when their regular columnists aren?t taking their customary two or three weeks off between postings.) I sympathize with this review of what?s happening on their so-called Babelogue. However, I will suggest you give them one more try, as a recent posting on their blog index gave me more smiles than a month?s worth of Tom Tomorrow cartoons. Apparently last week there was a coordinated effort among Left leaning blogs across the nation to protest the lawsuit filed by Fox News against Al Franken, his upcoming book, and his use of their trademarked phrase ?Fair and Balanced.? As far as I can tell, the blogs were all supposed to gratuitously use the phrase ?Fair and Balanced? in their posts, in an attempt to spite Fox?s attempts to protect its trademark. Try not to laugh as you read the Babelogue Index?s report: Fair and balanced? Was it ever! ...... over 500 participating blogs letting Fox News know how very, very much we love them ..... but the big news was the scope and success of the first-ever cyber-mooning. Exposing their ass cheeks to power, the online Left may have just come of age. (The laughter of Saint Paul echoes throughout the empty offices of Fraters Libertas.) Ahem, yes, I think they have come of age. And apparently that age is fifteen. Which isn?t bad for a bunch of ?alternative? journalists whose median age appears to be somewhere close to 40. Keep swinging for the fences kids.
Automatic for the People
Thursday?s link to the image of golden-haired, winsome CiCi Anderson lit up the Fraters Libertas phone lines like a Christmas tree. Proving once again you can painstakingly deconstruct a Paul Krugman column all you like, but if you want to create some buzz, link to a beautiful, blonde college tennis player. The first email came from a happy local reader: Saint Paul, your latest post is amazing to me. Thanks for your feedback sir, I couldn?t have said it better myself. Now on to other matters. Actually ... this correspondent did have another editorial point. So I?m not accused of Maureen Dowd-like cutting and pasting, here?s the rest of it. You have disproved the theory of genetics. You see, Cici Anderson is the granddaughter of none other than [former KSTP talk radio host] Barbara Carlson. She must have been adopted. Upon hearing that CiCi Anderson and Barbara Carlson may be members of the same family, my immediate reaction was - same family hell, I?m not sure they?re even members of the same kingdom. Students of the Linnaean system can do further investigation into that matter. But other sources inform me that the two are indeed related, but only by marriage. (Barbara and CiCi?s grandfather wedded in a second marriage for each, late in their lives). Therefore, adherents of Gregor Mendel need not start revising their theories. Keeping with the family affair theme, Madame X checks in from Hayward: Is it just me or does it look like Rick Rickert and Cici Anderson could actually be brother and sister? Think of all the fair-haired toothy children they will create - and if they are bro and sis, their children are assured to have three heads (albeit blonde, toothy heads). Yes, they both have the quintessential Minnesota Germanic-Scandanavian, well-scrubbed, suburban look to them. But Rickert?s slack-jawed countenance betrays an intellect at least six degrees of separation (genetics-wise) from the whip-smart, knowing grin flashed by Miss Anderson. So we need not fear their co-mingling resulting in a fair-haired three-headed child - who no doubt would have returned to Minnesota, been elected governor, lowered taxes, brutalized criminals, and ruled us like a king. Speaking of which, King from SCSU Scholars checks in with some speculation on how the young couple may fare once they get over there: I lived in Ukraine for a year -- no woman looks good in a babushka. My experience with the athletes here at SCSU has been that European leagues sound good until you get there. Hoops is better than hockey, but it's still buses through some pretty bleak places. I wonder if Rickert will last the season. I wonder the same thing. Adapting to a foreign culture can be difficult. For a taste of what this may be like for them, here?s the Krka team?s promotional announcement for the signing of Rick Rickert: V Novo mesto prihaja Rick Rickert, ameri?ki ko?arkar, ki ga je sicer na leto?njem NBA draftu izbrala Minnesota. Rickert je 208 cm visoki krilni center, ki je v minuli sezoni na univerzi v Minnesoti dosegal povpre?no 15,6 to?ke na tekmo. Wasn?t that the atomic symbol for potash mixed in there a few times? I give them six weeks.
Poetry In Motion
As heard on last night's broadcast of the Hugh Hewitt show here is the latest tome from Tarzana Joe: As part of my duties as Poet Laureate of the Hugh Hewitt Show, I am commanded, from time to time, to compose a topical poem on an issue of the day. This week Rush Limbaugh attacked the blogosphere--which has a special place in Hugh Hewitt's heart (and mind). Thus the following: Rush Takes a Swing at the Bloggers (with apologies to Mighty Casey) by Tarzana Joe The outlook wasn?t brilliant for the blogosphere that day The well known Maha Rushie was about to have his say His voice is like a trumpet and it cuts right through the fog So a pall-like silence fell upon purveyors of the blog There was ease in Rush?s manner as he slid into his place There was pride in Rush?s bearing and a smile lit Rush?s face As those famous lips came closer to the mike with all that gilding Perched, as it is, atop the famous E I B building Ten million ears were listening all across the land As he shuffled the remarks in his nicotine-stained hand Bloggers held their breath for a caustic, cutting quip Defiance flashed in Rush?s eye, a sneer curled Rush?s lip. Then he began the tirade that they all tuned in to hear And the master of old media blasted the blogosphere "There are these guys called bloggers and they claim they shape the news Though they have all of the impact of the guy who shines my shoes. It?s hard to sway this nation from sea to shining sea And only two can do it. There?s Ophra and there?s me! A blogger is a wananbee who couldn?t influence his mother They spend their days and nights all e-mailing one another They should all sink into the ocean; they all should sink en mas Starting with those brothers at Fraters Libertas And lets consider Lileks, another of these spotlight lovers How can you take seriously a guy who collects matchbook covers? They scribble in dark apartments where they likely live like slobs Here?s my advice you bloggers, go out and get real jobs" Those were the Big Guy's sayings which I?ve given you in rhyme But to borrow from another, why don?t we think a second time It?s hard in this new decade to imagine what will last There are some that see the future, some that only see the past. I sense a great revival among hipster, dude, and nerd A wonderful revival of the mighty written word Can not the aging master comprehend there?s something new Yes, his talent is on loan. Perhaps the loan is coming due? When I consider his opinion, I have to share a laugh Half his brain?s behind his back; so where?s the other half? Another point I can't believe I hadn?t thought before If the internet?s for losers, what?s he have a website for? Oh somewhere pundits chortle and somewhere pundits gloat But there is no joy in Rushville, Mighty Rush has missed the boat! I'd like to see Maya Angelou try to rhyme Fraters Libertas. Kudos Joe!
Friday, August 15, 2003
The Pink Ones Keep Ya From Screamin'
The Senate's proposed Medicare bill will likely lead to massive new government spending, further government control of health care, and at some point down the road will result in a stifling of the development of new and innovative drugs. To pay for Grandpa's drugs today we'll be limiting the chances that we'll ever be able to enjoy the benefits of many undiscovered not yet invented drugs in the future. To find out what you can do to help prevent this monstrosity from being passed check out The Citizen's Council on Health Care web site.
Tell Me About That Uniquely American "Culture of Violence" Again
From a CNN.com report on the blackout: In New York -- which has reported about 70,000 violent crimes a year since 1998 -- police reported four burglaries in the entire city overnight, and said they had made arrests in all four. Meanwhile in peace loving Canada: However, in Canada, officials reported a number of thefts and looting. "There is serious looting going on" in parts of Ottawa, said Ottawa police chief Vince Bevan, adding there have been reports of break-ins, smashed windows and theft in the nation's capital. Ontario declared a state of emergency after the power outage.
Twins & Fans SOL
Yesterday Saint Paul, JB Doubtless, myself, and another friend had the extreme displeasure of attending the Twins afternoon game against the Cleveland Indians. I had scored the tickets gratis from work and the seats were excellent; five rows up from third base. What was far from excellent was the play of the local nine who were humiliated by a final score of eight to three. This completed a four game series against the Tribe in which the Twins, allegedly in the pennant race, dropped three out of four to the Clevelanders (16 games under .500 with a 23-40 road record). How bad was it? They allowed a weak-hitting lineup to score eight runs, and unproven designated hitter Travis Hafner became the first Twins opponent to hit for the cycle since Paul Molitor did it for Milwaukee in 1991. Yes that Travis Hafner. Batting right around .250 coming in to the game and the Twins make him look a future Hall of Famer. "It was a bad day," Gardenhire said. "Embarrassing. We embarrassed ourselves, we embarrassed our fans. You don't go out and play like that. We did. Gardy was right. It was downright embarrassing. But it wasn't just the team that was deserving of shame. There seems to be an unwritten code of etiquette for sports fans in Minnesota. You are to sit quietly in your seat. You are not to move about too much. Don't talk to the people sitting next to you. If the home team does something well politely applaud. Never boo the home team nor make disparaging comments about them. Don't even think about raising your voice. It's pathetic. Yesterday the Twins stunk the joint up. They didn't just lose to a bad team. They got their arses handed to them. And yet 'round about the sixth inning after we had suffered through yet another impotent offensive effort by the Twins (stretching the streak of scoreless innings to twenty) and we started to get on the lads and boo them lustily the fans around us were aghast at our behavior. It was a typical Minnesota reaction with the looks of disapproval, heads shaking in disbelief, and muttering under the breathe that indicate you're breaking a cultural norm by your behavior. We were equally surprised at the behavior of the other fans. Don't you care that these million dollar ballplayers are mailing it in at a critical time of the season? How many times can you watch a Twins batter strike out looking before you decide enough is enough? Like the Twins batters who refused to take the bat off their shoulders and swing away the fans were equally complicit by their apathy and refusal to boo. As JB said, "The fans should not let them get away with this." And in Boston, New York, or Chicago the fans wouldn't have. But we're in Minnesota. We're different. We're pathetic sports fans. Because when you boil sports down to its essence what makes it great is passion. Passion for the game. Passion for your team. Passion means that you care. And passion isn't just about exalting in your team's triumphs. It's also about experiencing the sorrow and bitterness of your team's failings. Ask a Boston Red Sox fan about passion. And so we booed the home team. We ignored the icy stares of our neighbors and let the squad know how we felt. Originally we planned to work over third base umpire and muy macho man Angel Hernandez who called balls and strikes on Wednesday night about as accurately as Jayson Blair reported the news. We did manage to get a rise or two (definitely a couple of hard assed stares) out of Angel early on with our running commentary. Either that or he was just jealous of the Coronas we were enjoying. But the incredibly inept play of the Twins forced us to turn our vituperative attentions their way. It probably reached its crescendo with the arrival of James Baldwin. Not the writer. The "relief" pitcher. If this James Baldwin were to pen a book it might be called 'Go Tell It On The Mound: How I Impersonated A Major League Ballplayer'. The same skulking James Baldwin who in his last two appearances has managed to surrender six earned runs, eight hits, and served up FOUR home runs over two and one third innings of work. As we predicted at the game he was not long for the Twins world after his latest outing: Veteran pitcher James Baldwin was designated for assignment following the game. The Twins called up righthander Grant Balfour from Class AAA Rochester to replace him. Being a veteran, Baldwin can accept his assignment to Rochester or opt for free agency. He has three days to decide. Baldwin said he had "no hard feelings" about his time with the Twins. He had a 5.40 ERA and gave up four home runs in his past two outings. "I haven't decided what I'm going to do," Baldwin said. So glad to hear that James has no hard feelings about his time with the Twins. I wouldn't want him to feel bad about the fact that he was absolutely awful in his stint with the club and his performance even had some in yesterday's crowd calling for the return of Ron Davis. As to what he's going to do now I have a bit of advice for James. Sell that honking gold chain around your neck for whatever you can get for it bro 'cause the days of you swindling a paycheck out of major league ball clubs are over. By the time the Twins had finally scored a run yesterday it was the ninth inning and they trailed 8-0. Nice time for a rally boys. They did manage to plate three and had runners at first and third with two down when Mike Ryan stepped in. The result? Strike out looking.
Great Day For A Ballgame; Let's Play Like Girls
Attended the Twins game yesterday due to some free ducs by the Elder's company. Great seats right on the third base line. The Corona was flowing nicely. And the team completely sucked up the jernt. After taking our seats, we soon realized that Angel Hernandez was umping third base. The same lousy Angel Hernandez that had such a bizarre notion of balls and strikes behind the plate in the game the day before. We started in on him immediately, letting him know what we thought of him. (One of the guys in our group started mocking him with a ridiculous, but quite funny Speedy Gonazalez accent. I had to put the kibosh on it though as I feared getting tossed.) Nothing but attitude, he folded his arms and stared directly at us, then made the drinking sign by holding his thumb up to his mouth. Boy you got us there, Angel. As the Twins proceeded to get hammered by the rather lowly Cleveland Indians (and a few more Coronas were overserved to us) we started in on the Twins and how they hadn't scored a damn run in 21 innings. The people around us acted as if we had just suggested Harmon Killebrew was over-rated or that We Don't Like It Here or something. After James "Notes Of A Native Son" Baldwin offered up his fourth homer of the week and we let him know it, a man turned around and glared at us for about a minute as if berating a team that is choking away a chance at the pennant were somehow morally wrong. As the elder pointed out, had a team like the Red Sox stunk it out at home as bad as our lads did, there would have been nothing but anger and a chorus of boos. The We Like It Here's just kind of happily shuffled out of the Dome with looks of "whatever" on their mugs. As others are saying, it aint happening for the Twins this year if yesterday was any indication...and I think it was.
Say It Ain't So
Mitch Berg from Shot In the Dark is dissing the mid-Seventies S.W.A.T. TV show? Maybe I was just a bit a younger, a bit more idealistic, and a little less cynical than Mitch when the show aired because S.W.A.T. was must see TV for me as a youth. What icon of my childhood will Mitch go after next? He best not even think about ripping Emergency! . You go after Johnny and Roy at your own peril my friend.
Northern Alliance Sappers Breach Walls Yet Again
This time Scott Johnson a.k.a. The Big Trunk from Power Line has pentrated the defenses of the Star Tribune editorial pages. His piece titled Arafat's getting away with murder appeared in today's edition of the paper. He even managed to get a mention of Powerline included. Well done.
Thursday, August 14, 2003
The Luckiest Guy in Town
Rick Rickert is not known for his decision-making ability. A high school basketball phenom coming out of Duluth, he had every college in the country offering him an athletic scholarship. After a well publicized courtship with all the big schools, and a few courtesy visits to the University of Minnesota, he decided to attend national powerhouse Arizona. A team whose offense was suited to his own skill set and a team with reputation for grooming players for the NBA. Then he changed his mind, reneged on his oral commitment to Arizona and signed with Minnesota. Although his numbers weren?t stellar in his freshman season (14.2 points per game, 5.2 rebounds) and his team woefully underperformed (not qualifying for the NCAA tournament and bowing out early in the NIT), the buzz on Rickert remained high. He was tall, mobile, had a reasonably sophisticated offensive game for a 19-year-old. It was for these reasons he was chosen as Big 10 Freshman of the Year and most observers agreed he had potential to become something special. He was a certain 1st-round NBA draft choice and potentially a lottery pick, meaning a guaranteed multi-million dollar contract. Since it was widely known that Rickert had no intention of staying in school for 4-years or of pursuing a degree, many advisors told him to get out while the getting was good. But after a highly publicized period of Hamlet-like consternation and soul searching, he decided to stay in school, to play one more year. His second year at Minnesota was disastrous for him. His numbers were flat (15.6 ppg, 6.2 rebounds), he wasn?t dominating his opponents offensively and was on occasion being dominated defensively, and his team once again failed to meet expectations (embarrassing themselves by qualifying only for the NIT tournament). Another year older, showing no signs of development, Rickert?s stock began a free fall. The consensus opinion among NBA scouts was that he no longer was a lottery pick. In fact, he wasn?t even 1st round caliber, meaning no guaranteed contract would be forthcoming. But despite the near universal opinion that he wasn?t ready for the NBA and that he wouldn?t be offered a job there, and despite the fact that his game needed work and the best developmental league in the world is the NCAA, he decided to go pro. Things only got worse from there. By the day of the 2003 NBA draft, the question wasn?t ?where will Rick Rickert be drafted,? instead it was ?will Rickert Rickert be drafted at all.? And he almost wasn?t. It wasn?t until the fourth to last pick of the entire draft that the Minnesota Timbewolves extended the courtesy to the local boy by drafting him, all the time admitting he had virtually no chance of making the team. And he didn?t. Just announced by the Pioneer Press?s Charlie Walters, Rick Rickert has found a team to play for: Look for former Gophers basketball player Rick Rickert to leave Wednesday to play for the Krka team in Nova Mesto, Slovenia. Not exactly the prime time spotlight he was hoping for. Not even by European standards. In fact, not even by Slovenian standards. Last year Krka did finish 2nd in the highly competitive Adriatic League, however playing before a home court seating a maximum of 3,000 frenzied Slovenes. And instead of suiting up next to the likes of Kevin Garnett and Latrell Sprewell (or hell, even Kris Humphries and Michael Bauer), he?ll be sharing court time with Boris Gnjidic and Marko Antonijevic. Gesundheit. (For the morbidly curious, here's some info on the Krka team.) So, why exactly is this man smiling? I think only because he made one correct decision. According to Charlie Walters: Rickert and fiancee Cici Anderson of Stillwater have set a June 26, 2004, wedding date. Choose the wrong school, choose the wrong time to leave school (twice), ruin your career, and loose out on millions. But marry CiCi Anderson? That Rick Rickert is one lucky bastard.
Insert Tined Eating Utensil In Twins, They Are Done
Before the Twins started their four game series at home against Cleveland I told my friend that they needed to take three out of four from the woeful Tribe to have a realistic chance of winning the division. After last night's pathetic offensive showing, wasting a great start from Johan Santana, they have now dropped two in a row to the Indians. Les Twins est finis.
Wednesday, August 13, 2003
Air Force Director of Operations Lt. Gen. Norton Schwartz...
Jim Carey as Lloyd Christmas in the classic Dumb and Dumber... And a macaque? Labels: Separated At Birth
Deranged, Unstable, or Intoxicated?
I bring you the latest from St. Paul Pioneer Press entertainment columnist Brian Lambert. In his column today promoting Al Franken?s upcoming book of criticism of the conservative media, he had the following to say about Fox News Channel: Franken, the St. Louis Park-born satirist, has achieved full warrior status in the pitched battle between the forces of cartoon righteousness and the decimated remnants of sanity. The latter are in an Alamo-like defensive position at the moment, surrounded by cutthroat opportunists and firing in every direction. Sadly, humor of any self-deprecating kind is alien to the suits and circus performers at Rupert Murdoch's "news" empire. Have Fox's lawyers ever watched their own channel? It's essentially programmed by and for the shrill, unstable and depthless. If Roger Ailes, Fox News' svengali, ran the place with any concern for journalism and none for shrill, unstable hype, spin and marketing, CNN would be eating his lunch, instead of vice versa. But the sight of Fox News, a plump, consensual parasite on the rump of the Republican National Committee, accusing anyone else of being "deranged," "intoxicated," "shrill" and "unstable" is like Saddam Hussein filing for a restraining order against U.S. Special Ops. Remember, Brian Lambert is not a political columnist, he reports on news from the world of television and radio. He?s the only one at the paper tasked to do this, there?s no counterbalancing voice in these matters. And in the course of one column he characterizes the single non-liberal voice in mainstream news reporting as: cartoonly righteous cutthroat opportunists, circus performers, shrill, unstable, depthless, deranged and parasites on the rump of the RNC. Note, he doesn't even make a differentiation between someone like O'Reilly and someone like Brit Hume. He just lumps them all together under this hateful slur. As a bonus, he also characterized the viewers of Fox News (the people that made Fox News far and away the ratings leader in cable news) as ?shrill, unstable, and depthless.? Also remember, Brian Lambert doesn?t believe there?s anything such thing as liberal bias in the mainstream media. Charitably, maybe what?s quoted above really isn?t bias at all. Maybe it?s just a temper tantrum thrown by an insecure elitist afraid his ideology is being marginalized in the free marketplace of news and opinion. Now if only his kind could control ALL the media again, then maybe he?d get back to updating us on the latest developments with Dharma and Greg.
"In country music, you just cain't use the F-word."
Kenneth Killiany writes about the increasing "lustiness" in country music videos at National Review Online: CMT executives have been asking the same question, apparently, because hot on the heels of "I Melt" comes an hour-long special, "Video Babes," advertised in the black-and-hot-pink color scheme so favored by producers of a certain kind of video. Indeed, it turns out that the babes in country music have included several former Playmates and at least one star of what CMT delicately calls "erotic thrillers." A quick check of the Internet Movie Database made the obvious a little clearer: The videos were produced by Penthouse, and the covers were in black and hot pink. Hmmm... Note to self: Figure out what channel CMT is on my cable system tonight.
Shooting Your Mouth Off
I was reviewing some job descriptions today when I came across this: -Statuses with staff to monitor timing and action of packaging projects Statuses? To status? It's a freaking verb now? "John, I'd like to status with you regarding the Penske account after lunch." Those "This Company Bans Guns On These Premises" signs really mean something when people start to use words like statuses.
Tuesday, August 12, 2003
More Than A Feeling
While reading Dennis Prager?s piece today on Townhall.com, I was reminded of the often quoted Berkeley study on the psychological roots of conservatism (referred to most recently on this page by Saint Paul and previously by yours truly). The two pieces are interesting by comparison. Prager makes the assertion that there are two main reasons people hold liberal positions, naivete and narcissism. Regarding the latter, he writes: ??feelings" and "compassion" are two of the most often used liberal terms. "Character" is no longer a liberal word because it implies self-restraint. "Good and evil" are not liberal words either as they imply a moral standard beyond one's feelings. In assessing what position to take on moral or social questions, the liberal asks him or herself, "How do I feel about it?" or "How do I show the most compassion?" not "What is right?" or "What is wrong?" Compare these statements with those of Associate Professor Jack Glaser, one of the authors of the Berkeley study. He contends that conservatives are less "integratively complex" than liberals and states: Conservatives don't feel the need to jump through complex, intellectual hoops in order to understand or justify some of their positions?(t)hey are more comfortable seeing and stating things in black and white in ways that would make liberals squirm? This last sentence could have come directly out of Prager?s piece but I think each author reached his conclusion from vastly different paths. I would contend that it is actually less intellectually complex to take liberalism?s world view than it is to have a conservative approach. It is much easier for me to defer making a judgment or taking a position by relying on my feelings than it is to have a strong sense of what is good/bad and right/wrong to guide me. Feelings are innate, emotional reactions. If I had let my feelings be my guide my entire life, I?d be a hell of a mess right now (instead of just the average mess I have become). Despite Professor Glaser?s research, it?s not always comfortable seeing things in black and white. As Prager continues, it is just the opposite: There are not many antidotes to this lethal combination of naivete and narcissism. Both are very comfortable states compared to growing up and confronting evil, and compared to making one's feelings subservient to a higher standard. And comfortable people don't like to be made uncomfortable. I'll bet it's pretty comfortable being an Associate Professor at Berkeley.
She Already Came
Hillary Clinton draws hundreds to book signing in Twin Cities: Hundreds of people lined up today at the Mall of America for Sen. Hillary Clinton's book-signing. The former first lady was to sign copies of her memoir, ``Living History,'' at 11:30 a.m., at the Sam Goody Central Rotunda. One woman said she'd been waiting at the mall since 8:30 p.m. Lines began forming at midnight. People were being allowed to get close to Clinton to have her sign her book, but no photographs were allowed. No statements to the media were expected. Hundreds? Maybe it's just me but doesn't that seem like a rather weak turnout for Hil?
Coming out of Boca Chica on St. Paul's West Side Sunday night I was confronted with a flyer heralding the news that has driven Democratic activists to frenzy with anticipation. What's that you say? Massive tax increases? Worldwide capitulation to socialist tyranny? Abortion on demand for all? Abortion on demand for some and little rainbow flags for others?
Not exactly. But in a sense, yes. Because ... he .... is .... coming. Dennis Kucinich, live and in-person at Central High School in St. Paul. Which is not in my neighborhood, but it's close enough for me consider attending. It is on a Saturday night, meaning I'd have to postpone a number of social obligations (which makes my appearance unlikely--'cause I can't disappoint the ladies.) Plus I'd be concerned about the safety of someone like me in such an environment. And no, I don't mean being intellectually skewered by a Kucinichian thrust of logic. Instead, I'm concerned about heading into the area around Central High School without an armed escort. It is a public school after all. If I do attend, it would give me a chance to pick up a Kucinich 2004 t-shirt, which could score me some points next time I'm at a Hoobastank concert. But besides that, what would be the point of me attending this rally? Simply getting more fodder with which to ridicule this poor bastard? Right now I find myself torn between the Elder's poignant tribute to the co-worker who never had anything bad to say about anybody and JB Doubtless's savage attack on Joe Biden. Once again, I feel like the child born of these two fathers (which come to think of it sounds like a concept Dennis Kucinich would support). How's this for a compromise, I attend, but I agree to only make fun of his hairpiece? Given its severely inanimate condition, doesn't that count as not really saying anything bad about anybody? Labels: The Rug Doctor Is In
A Good Life
Yesterday I attended the funeral of a coworker. He died as a result of cancer at age fifty three. He came in to work early in the morning and left early in the afternoon. He worked hard but was not consumed by his work. For the most part he was a quiet man. He didn't socialize much with coworkers either inside or outside the workplace. He didn't like meetings and at work was a man of actions rather than words. Yet while he had a no-nonsense attitude about work, he would also dispense the occasional witty quip at just the right times. He loved his wife, children, and grandchildren dearly and it was apparent at the funeral that they felt the same about him. His family was the main focus of his life. He didn't talk about them much at work but when he did the pride he felt in them was apparent. He believed in God and had a very strong spiritual life. But he never tried to proselytize at work. His faith was personal to him. He loved his country and served in the Army and Army Reserves. He was buried in his uniform and his coffin was draped with an American flag. But he was not a gung ho uber patriot. He did his duty. He loved fishing, playing golf, watching football on television, and enjoying the occasional beer or two. He went "up to the lake" on summer weekends to spend time with his family and friends. He loved life. He never was a professional athlete. He never made millions in business. He never was on nor probably even ever watched a reality TV show. He didn't participate in extreme sports. He probably didn't know who J Lo was nor wondered when she and Ben would get married. He didn't lose any sleep over the "sixteen words" in the State of the Union. He never bragged about what he owned, what he had done, or what he would do. But he obviously was happy and content. At his funeral his son-in-law said he never heard him say a bad word about anyone. And in his case it was the truth. Some might say he lead a simple life. I would say he lived his life with a quiet dignity. He lived a very good life indeed.
There's a quick story in today's WSJ noting that Joe Biden will not be running for Prez in 2004.
In a prepared statement, Mr. Biden said he is "deeply concerned" the US is "heading in the wrong direction at home and abroad," but believes he can best shape public policy as a senator, rather than as a presidential candidate. I for one, am disappointed. Now Kucinich's rug is ridiculous, but there is something about a presidential candidate that has plugs that is just downright entertaining. You older readers may remember that Biden was drummed out of the ?88 race in ?87 when he was busted for plagiarizing (sound familiar?) bits from British pol Neil Kinnock: Kinnock (original) Why am I the first Kinnock in a thousand generations to be able to get to university? Why is Glenys the first woman in her family in a thousand generations to be able to get to university? Was it because our predecessors were thick? Does anybody really think that they didn't get what we had because they didn't have the talent or the strength or the endurance or the commitment? Of course not. It was because there was no platform upon which they could stand. Biden I started thinking as I was coming over here, why is it that Joe Biden is the first in his family ever to go to a university? Why is it that my wife who is sitting out there in the audience is the first in her family to ever go to college? Is it because our fathers and mothers were not bright? . . . No, it's not because they weren't as smart. It's not because they didn't work as hard. It's because they didn't have a platform upon which to stand . . . I raise a toast that we are free of such problems like plagiarism in the blogosphere. And more importantly, that we don't have to look at bloggers toops and plugs. Labels: The Rug Doctor Is In
Monday, August 11, 2003
Herb Brooks, who coached the 1980 US gold medal Olympic team and lead the University of Minnesota to three national championships in the 70's, was killed today in a car crash in Minnesota. Herbie was one of the most innovative American hockey coaches in history and was an outspoken proponent of the game. He will be sorely missed. R.I.P.
Labels: Obit
Talking 'Bout My Generation
Working off the generational theories of historians Neil Howe and William Strauss (their excellent book Generations:The History of America's Future, 1584 to 2069 is a must read) and quoting from their books 13th Gen: Abort, Retry, Ignore, Fail? and The Fourth Turning: An American Prophecy (both of which I also highly recommend) Porphyrogenitus looks at foreign policy from the practical, realistic viewpoint of the 13th generation (a.k.a. Gen X): Putting a priority on obeying institutions and procedures doesn't make sense if the institutions are dysfunctional in coping with grave dangers. If the UN has become the Society For the Preservation of Third-World Dictatorships and French Commercial Interests, then getting its stamp of approval may not be valuable. Wilsonian processes that are twisted by people so that Making the World Safe for Dictatorship is the outcome, dittoes. "Peace Processes" that hamstring the ability of people to be safe from attack by people with bombs boarding school buses are an obstacle to peace, not a guarantor of it. It's our job to make clear distinctions - and to make simple things work again. You might describe it (and Porphyrogenitus alludes to it in his piece) as the K.I.S.S. (keep it simple stupid) school of foreign policy.
Now Would I Say Something That Wasn't True?
F.O.F. Gary Larson takes the Star Tribune editorialists to task in his new piece Lying About Lying published by CNSNews.com. He manages to seemlessly weave quotes from Machiavelli, Orwell, Milton, Yeats and Aldous Huxley into his arguments about just where the lies are really coming from.
Sunday, August 10, 2003
When conservatives relate the tale of how they came to embrace the political principles they now hold, they often include a period of their lives (typically in college) when they were anything but conservative. Some were moderately liberal, some more socialistic, and a few (like the guys over at Power Line) were outright radical Marxists.
They usually explain this away as result of the idealism of youth and may even cite the famous quote, which may or may not have been uttered by Churchill: Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains. I must have been short a ticker growing up because from as young as I can remember I leaned to the right. My first political memory was the 1976 election when I was all of eight. On the school bus shortly before the election I can recall explaining to a friend that I could never vote for some peanut farmer from Georgia. Why being a legume harvester from a state in the Deep South disqualified a man for the presidency was probably quite beyond my comprehension at the time, but certainly history would prove my instincts to be correct. In 1978 (the year of the infamous "Minnesota Massacre") I remember querying my Dad about whom he was going to pull the lever for and then informing him that he shouldn't vote that way because his candidates were not pro-life. The kind of thing you pick up onwhen you attend a Catholic grade school I guess. 1980 was a glorious year in politics for me. I wore my Reagan button to school for months before the election and even participated with a friend in a Republican phone bank prior to the election asking prospective voters which way they were leaning and getting them to the polls. The Reagan years were dawning and I couldn't be happier. In high school I continued to hold steadfast to my conservative views. I engaged my economics teacher in a furious debate because I refused to accept his proposition that all economics is a zero sum game. In 1984, I protested an appearance by Geraldine Ferraro in Minneapolis and had one of first experiences with the open minded, tolerant leftists who clamor about how much they support "dissent." Most of the crowd was hard-core feminists and they were none too happy to see a sixteen-year-old boy decked out in Reagan-Bush regalia. I was with a group of children from a family that I occasionally baby-sat for and they held pro-life signs at the gathering. An angry woman accused me of exploiting the children for political purposes. Exploiting children for political purposes? Talk about irony. That's one of the most dog-eared pages in the left's playbook. I also wrote a couple of opinion piece for my school newspaper, a matter that I'll return to in a moment. College didn't change my worldview either. Of course to be fair I'd don't know how much liberal idealism there was to contend with on the campus on the University of North Dakota in the late 80's. I did get into a heated discussion with a professor who was fixated on the notion that Richard Nixon was responsible for the US involvement in Vietnam because his "Red baiting" in the '50s created a climate where LBJ was afraid to be appear soft on Communism. For this guy it was all Nixon's fault. I imagine we're creating a future generation of profs right now who will blame it all on GW down the road. But for the most part the campus was not a hot bed of leftist activism. Oh sure there were the usual suspects protesting US involvement in El Salvador, rights for the homeless, etc. but I don't think most of the student body was all that receptive to their views. During my freshman year Reagan paid a visit to the school and he received a very warm welcome. I attended the speech and it was quite memorable to see the Gipper in person. So I never had a liberal period in my political life. My views have become more nuanced, and more precise over time, but the core beliefs have remained the same. I was reminded of that the other day when I came across an opinion piece I wrote for my high school newspaper after the 1986 US attack on Libya . Keep in mind that I was seventeen when I wrote this and we didn't have any fancy smancy Internet to help us do research. We had to go to the library and read periodicals and pay ten cents to copy pages we needed. We also apparently didn't have much of an editor at the high school newspaper since my writing is riddled with grammatical errors. But in the interests of complete accuracy I have not changed anything (Lord knows I was tempted) from the original that appeared in May 1986: The US decision to launch a preemptive strike against terrorist facilities and military installations in Libya was one that should have been made long ago. Militarily, politically, and morally the choice was a correct one. By launching the attack the US has finally made it known to the world that we are sick and tired of getting pushed around by a bunch of cowardly bullies who must kill innocent women and children to get attention. No longer will we allow our civilians and military personnel who are overseas to die without the county or countries responsible paying some price. A few facts of the attack should be cleared up before people start to blame the US for a terrorist act. The first thing people should realize is that most of the damage inflicted on civilian areas in Libya was not caused by US bombs but rather by stray Libyan missiles. When the attack was taking place the Libyans fired dozens of surface to air missiles at the US planes. Almost all of these missiles missed the planes and fell on Libyan homes and exploded. So when you watch the news and see civilians dead and wounded don't blame the US. This is just one of several examples of biased and distorted press coverage of the strike. Instead of showing the world what a truly sick animal Khadafy truly is, they choose to portray him as a misunderstood leader and his country as an innocent victim of US aggression. The attack on Libya has reaped several rewards for the US. Besides sending a stern warning about US resolve to combat terrorism, the raid also had military value by hitting the centers of Libyan terrorist activities and important military bases. The US has hopefully stalled planned terrorist strikes against Americans. The only problem with the military side of the attack was that it wasn't strong enough. With the full power of the 6th Fleet at his disposal the President was too easy on Khadafy by sending in a few dozen planes. If the US is forced to retaliate again one would hope that a little more muscle would be flexed. One of the most troubling aspects of the aftermath of the attack has been the reaction of our "allies." Out of all the European countries that we pour billions of dollars and thousands of young men into only one would even give us the slightest support. Margaret Thatcher, current British prime minister, should be given our thanks for Britain's decision to allow the US to use airbases in the UK. The rest of our "allies" however, deserve nothing but contempt. The worst example of taking from us but giving nothing in return was France's disgusting behavior. The French seem to have a short memory. After we saved them in two world wars and helped to rebuild their country, they thank us by refusing us permission to fly over their country. This is believed to be the reason that we lost a plane in the raid. From now on if our allies are too wimpy to support us then why are they considered our friends? It's just too bad the whole French embassy wasn't destroyed in the attack. Urging a stronger hand in the fight against terrorism, criticizing biased reporting, commending our loyal British allies, and ripping the French? Some things have changed a lot in seventeen years. Others not much at all. Labels: Political History
It's Going Around
Maybe things really are beginning to change, if ever so slightly, at the Minneapolis Star Tribune. A year ago I would have thought a front page story in the Sunday paper concerning possible improprieties by Minnesota Attorney General Mike Hatch about as likely as the Cleveland Indians winning the World Series. But today lo and behold there it is. The story details campaign contributions made to Hatch by the union that represents Qwest workers while the company was under investigation by Hatch's office. It also turns out that Hatch has a couple of friends with connections to Qwest. There is no evidence of a quid pro quo or even any serious allegations that Hatch's action in the Qwest case were based on the campaign contributions only the dreaded "possible appearance of impropriety". It will probably turn out to be much ado about nothing along the same lines as the grossly exaggerated and over hyped charges against Governor Tim Pawlenty for his involvement with another telecom company. But is refreshing to watch Hatch sweat a bit under the klieg lights of media scrutiny. It's a position that he's put his opponents in a number of times and he's probably discovering it's not a real comfortable one. The best quote in the story comes from an old acquaintance of mine: "The allegory about someone living in a glass house not throwing stones comes to mind," said Corey Miltimore, executive director of the Minnesota Republican Party. "Hatch set the standard that circumstantial evidence is compelling. He needs the support of this union now and in the future."
Saturday, August 09, 2003
How Academics Explain Ideological Inequity
Recently I was reviewing back issues of Public Opinion Quarterly, looking for some information regarding polling results during the run up to the 2000 presidential election, and I ran across an unrelated article that had this little show stopper of a sentence: ?That conservatives tend to focus more on individual rather than structural impediments to success is not surprising. Also, their focus on blacks may be linked to the explicitly antiblack sentiment that some have argued is basic to the ?neoconservative? political movement (Omi and Winant 1994).? Thanks for adding those qualifiers to your clinical mudslinging pal. His theoretical premise ?may? be linked to what ?some? have argued is the inherent antiblack sentiment of the neoconservative movement? I guess this cement-footed tap dance prevents a class action lawsuit from unfairly maligned right wingers everywhere. This article was published way back in Winter of 2001 and I?m not sure which of the ever changing definitions of 'neocon' best served as the liberal bogey man back then. But if Bill Kristol and Paul Wolfowitz would like to contact me regarding a potential defamation case, you know where to find me (amid the dank stacks of Public Opinion Quarterly in my company?s library). The whole debate on whether or not the culture of the academy is politically one sided is an amusing one. The recent Berkeley study on the dark psychological foundations of conservatism is yet another example of the end product consistently created from the system of higher education in the social sciences. Recently, the SCSU Scholars have also been involved in tracking developments on this debate. For me all the evidence I need is first hand. I?m not going to elaborate on the details of my personal experience at the U of MN. But one of the quintessential moments of the ordeal was the day after the 1990 election of Paul Wellstone to the US Senate. The professor bounded in before a room of about 50 political science undergrads, took the stage, beamed broadly and exclaimed ?whadd?ya know - we won!? About half of the class responded with cheers and excited chatter. I surmise the other half didn?t know how to respond (as a flying body block to the professor?s sternum was a clear violation of the student conduct code). Ultimately I responded with a withering look that said in no uncertain terms - ?what do you mean by ?we? kimosabe?? A little background on the source of the offending quote above. It was from a study called How Whites Explain Black and Hispanic Inequality by Steven J. McDonald, which is full of wonderfully specious conclusions about the racial attitudes of conservatives. Unfortunately it?s not accessible online without a POQ subscription (so you're going to have to take my word for it). The study cited by McDonald as the source of the argument that the neoconservative movement is explicitly antiblack is based on the racial theories of Michael Omi and Howard Winant. I can?t find the exact article cited (from 1994), but I suspect it has something to do with their 1989 book ?Racial Formation in the United States: From the 1960s to the 1980s. If you?d like to read more about it, here?s a link to a summary. But for those who dare, be warned, you?re about to be confronted with sentences like this: Once we understand that race overflows the boundaries of skin color, superexploitation, social stratification, discrimination and prejudice, cultural domination and cultural resistance, state policy (or of any other particular social relationship we list), once we recognize the racial dimension present to some degree in every identity, institution and social practice in the United States -- once we have done this, it becomes possible to speak of racial formation. The effort must be made to understand race as an unstable and "decentered" complex of social meanings constantly being transformed by political struggle. Yes, that sounds about right. I?m quite sure it is an effort to come to this understanding. In fact, I?m sure it?s an effort to just get through the entirety of their manifesto without losing consciousness, as I?m sure the poor students of these professors can attest. But, for the connoisseurs of postmodern academic tongue twisters (and I know you?re out there Brad Jones), have at it. For those of us who prefer to read less tortuous sentence-smithing, I refer you to Professor Howard Winant?s more personal reporting. His observations from the 2001 Durban Conference on Racism: The UN World Conference Against Racism was a very American event. About 40% of the delegates accredited to the NGO forum were North American; at Durban, one had the constant experience of running into old movement comrades and friends, as well as seeing a new and younger generation of US activists coming together. The WCAR was American in another way, too: It was anti-American. Just as the first two WCARs (1978 and 1983) were focused on anathematizing and ending the South African apartheid regime, the 2001 Durban conference sought to challenge the US empire, the hegemonic position the US occupies in a post-colonial, post-Cold War, post-apartheid, and post-civil rights world. ....Bush was a creature of the Republican right, a Southern president (in the US sense of the word), a usurper who owed his office in large part to anti-black voting rights fraud. He sought by attacking the conference to shore up his key lower-strata "socially conservative" constituencies; he had already assured the loyalty of the corporate fat cats by enacting massive regressive income and wealth redistribution. ...we confront a very disturbing political situation: the near-paralysis of opposition politics. The movements that seemed renascent before 9/11 -- notably the anti-globalization, anti-WTO movement and the resurgent anti-racist movement represented by Durban, by reparations initiatives, by resistance to racial profiling, and by critiques of the prison-industrial complex -- have now been put on hold. Though not completely stymied, they have been set back considerably. Denying this is whistling in the dark. Not a very cheery picture. Not for the Professor and his dreams of an effective world-wide anti-American movement. Or for the parents paying thousands in tuition for the opportunity to have their kids radicalized under his guidance at UC-Santa Barbara. But on the bright side, barring a Howard Dean victory in 2004, I don?t expect Professor Winant to be exclaiming ?we won? any time soon.
Friday, August 08, 2003
What The World Needs Now Is Another Idealistic Music Writer
Like I need a hole in the head. From today's Chris Riemenschneider column in the Star Tribune: Music scribe Jim Walsh is back at the Pioneer Press, and his idealistic presence is already being felt: Walsh sent out a mass e-mail earlier this week proposing a Paul and Sheila Wellstone World Music Day (featuring all genres of music) on the anniversary of their deaths, Oct. 25. Yeah. Got that one in my date book. Update Late breaking news that Walsh and his idealism have already found a new home: Music writer Jim Walsh leaves Pioneer Press to become City Pages columnist Sounds like the right fit.
But My Kitty Is So Pretty
For me, the name Emily Dickinson conjures up images of hairy, earnest womyn sitting in a classroom in some women?s college on the east coast discussing with great seriousness how the poet was the first lesbian to fully challenge the patriarchy in an era where women were often relegated to...you get the drift. In other words, most people snicker when her name is mentioned. Unless, that is, you live in the Mac Groveland neighborhood of St. Paul. In this neighborhood, most residents actually have several copies of her collected works on their bookshelves. She is one of the early heroes of the left and no Wellstone! sign bearer would be caught dead giving anything but complete lip service to her. In this context rises a new candidate for the 2nd Ward of the St. Paul City Council, Elizabeth Dickinson, some kind of distant relative of the First Womayn. So what does Elizabeth propose for her platform? Aside from the typical radical environmental gobbledygook, she wants the following: Create better signage, especially in the downtown so shopping, businesses and cultural attractions can be located more easily. And.. Create some sort of people-mover, so important links between hotels, shopping, and cultural attractions can be accessed more easily. Some sort of people mover. And since the local chapter of the NAGS has given her their stamp of approval, there's something in it for them: Promote future women leaders. Currently only 22% of elected officials in the U.S. are women. I intend to hold an essay contest and interview for female high school students. The selected women could be mentored by women officials for school credit. Why of course! An essay. How perfectly Mac Groveland of her. I too will holding an essay contest. Topic: Find the most creative way for Mitch Berg?s property taxes to be paid after people like Dickinson are elected. And what is Mz. Dickinson?s background? Some type of political training? Maybe she managed or at least worked on someone?s campaign? Not quite: Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist, American Institute of Hypnotherapy, California Certified Yoga Teacher, The Center for Yoga, California Certified Feng Shui practitioner But perhaps I am being too harsh on Elizabeth. This final honor she proudly lists on her web site is indeed something to be proud of and an excellent reason to cast a vote for her: 2002 Cat Photograph selected for 2003 Friskies calendar.
The SARs Bubble?
Recently at my place of employment we've noticed a surge in project orders from China with very short lead time requirements.Our sales in China have been increasing briskly in the last few years but these demands are far and above anything we've experienced before and we were curious as to the cause. Yesterday one our esteemed marketeers learned from our source in Asia that the main reason for the high spike in demand and faster delivery requirements was what they are now calling the "SARs Bubble". Apparently when the SARs outbreak was at its worst many foreigners who were working on industrial projects in China (refineries, chemical plants, etc.) packed up and hit the road. Now that the situation has stabilized and there have not been any recent newly diagnosed cases of the SARs, as the Granddad from 'The Boondocks' likes to refer to it, they have returned to China. And they want their equipment for their projects. Now. I have not heard this mentioned before and am curious whether other businesses are experiencing this bubble effect.
Thursday, August 07, 2003
Noted military historian Victor Davis Hanson pictured at a different battlefield each month giving us a little leg, a nice smile, and a boatload of interesting historical facts. Sounds crazy? Consider this follow up e-mail to my post on fetching female historian Bettany Hughes:
I was watching it last night and was wondering why some studly male historian couldn't so something similar. Bettany was great, but I'd still like a bit of something for me. Equal time! :) VDH would indeed do nicely! -Denise Ruth Absinthe & Cookies You heard it here first. Labels: History
One of the interesting things about blogging is that it's often the short, right off the top of your head posts about arcane (even inane) subjects that draw the most interest. Case in point? My post from earlier today on historian Bettany Hughes. The post not only drew a nod from Instapundit it also has already sparked these comments:
I saw that PBS documentary last night and I have to admit as much as I love the subject matter, Bettany Hughes was the reason why I stuck around. How come I've never seen this woman before? -Steve Martinovich Editor, Enter Stage Right Excellent question Steve. An even better question would be, when will we be able to see her again? I'd watch a four hour documentary on the weaving of Aaron Brown's toupee if she was the hosting it. Hey, no fair! I posted about Bettany Hughes first, but you get the Instalanche! I missed Arnie talking to Jay to watch that gorgeous Brit talk about Spartan sexual practices! I've got it on tape! Every time I'd almost turn it off, she put that damn red dress back on! -Mike Smith Firefive Blog (he's got more on this subject now at his blog) Sorry about jumping your claim to the Instapundit link Mike but as you say there is a fine line between clever and stupid. Maybe this will bring a Fraterslanche to your blog. I hope your server can handle the additional six hits. That PBS show on the Spartans was slowing down my blogging too. (Your assessment of the hostess/scholar was dead-on, btw.) I thought her descriptions of the Spartan women and the early American women who emulated their resolve should be required listening for the myriad modern-day Alan Alda-type wuss-mongers (male and female alike). -Brad Jones from Infinite Monkeys And finally this comment from a reader who seems quite intrigued by the prospect of Victor Davis Hanson in a revealing outfit: I don't know about the red dress, but VDH in hiking shorts and an open sport shirt at Delphi would certainly be attractive. Smart and attractive is fairly unbeatable combination. Thanks for the pointer to the show. I missed it, but I'll certainly look for a rebroadcast. -RR Ryan Point well taken on VDH but personally I prefer to stick with Bettany and the red dress. History may never be looked at in the same way again. Labels: History
Normally I like to take my lessons on ancient Greek history from the incomparable historian Victor Davis Hanson. VDH's knowledge of the subject is nearly unrivaled and his writing is incredibly detailed yet clear and compelling.
But after catching a few hours of of the PBS documentary 'The Spartans' last night I think I might have found myself a new favorite ancient Greek historian. Bettany Hughes is a ravishing Brit who hosted last evening's program and she certainly spices up any subject she chooses to address. Lest you think she's merely a talking head let it be known that Bettany has a Masters in Ancient and Modern History from a little school called Oxford. Perhaps I'm a bit of an odd duck but for me there is something incredibly titillating about a statuesque, dark haired vixen with a British accent talking passionately about The Peloponnesian Wars. To say nothing of her analysis of the sexual mores of Spartan culture: "Sparta was one of the few ancient civilizations that openly encouraged women to have sex with each other". Whew. Talk dirty to me baby. Until Victor Davis Hanson is willing to stand outside the Oracle at Delphi in a stunning red dress with legs from here to Thermopolis I'm officially becoming a Bettany man. Labels: History
Nobody Does It Better
As members of Hugh Hewitt's Northern Alliance we apparently have once again been tasked with a homework assignment, this time by Brad Jones from the Infinite Monkeys (who by the way had an excellent on air chat with Tsar Hugh last night), to offer up comparisons between Arnold running for governor of California and our own (shudder) former governor Jesse Ventura. And while we certainly don't wish to serve up lame excuses for not completing our task (Mitch ate our homework, etc.) after reading Lileks excellent take on the matter this morning we have elected to yield our time to the honorable gentleman from South Minneapolis. There is little left to say. The only point that I might add is that, despite the accent, Arnold is much easier to understand than Jesse who managed to combine Minnesota speak (especially the long "ohs"), California surfer lingo, and a street hood attitude, all at a third grade vocabulary level. Perhaps Mr. Hewitt can add a couple more of those classic folk bumps tonight to reward James. UPDATE: I erroneously thought that the Commissioner himself had asked for input on the Ahnold/Jesse comparisons not realizing it was actually a request from one of his winged minions (Flying infinite monkeys? Now that's scary). A correction has been made. By the way kudos to Hugh's producer Duane for playing Where Have All The Flowers Gone? as an intro to last Monday's segment with Lileks. Very apropos considering Lileks server was down at the time.
Wednesday, August 06, 2003
From the City Pages, a review of local band Eufio's new album:
Eufio is not a mirthful album. Sounding more Bitch than Bust, the seven short, sharp tunes transform the band's daily frustrations into utilitarian rants. The opening track, deceptively entitled "Prog Rock," is the sound of banshees kicking down doors, critiquing "poverty chic" and dropping a wasp's nest of class consciousness onto our laps." The album's headlong rush continues through the addictive old-school hardcore of "Stop Entrapment" and "Public Property" .... highlighting the systole/diastole between Hanson's shrill screams and Kopischke's earthier bellow. The EP closes with...an unholy roller-coaster ride (slow ascent, fast drop) called "Capital Disfunction" that finds Eufio ranting, "Shove your rig into our Bush/And surely you will come." "It's relating erectile dysfunction--the whole problem of males ejaculating--with capitalism," Gerend says with an artist's knack for symbolic abstraction. Hard to believe this review is going to result in too many album sales, as the whole thing sounds like a short vacation in a previously undetected ring of hell. But then again, I'm not the typical City Pages reader. And, I do believe the reviewer is attempting to give a postive review. For the intrigued among you (yes Atomizer, I'm referring to you), Euphio will be performing this weekend at Shake the Lakes festival, which the City Pages reviewer describes "as a power-packed weekend festival" and as an event that "promises to be one of the summer's best gatherings." And if shrill unholy screams about the evils of capitalism don't do it for you, maybe this will: The festival also hosts workshops with topics like " "Fashion as a Feminist Tool," "New Technologies in Contraception," and "Sea Sponge Revolution: Alternative Approaches to Menstruation." Not exactly cheese curds and the Ye Olde Mill. But if any of these events were actually pleasing to one of the senses, it wouldn't be altenative now, would it? Labels: That's Entertainment
You're In The Army Now Ms. Tuchman
"Reasonable orders are easy enough to obey; it is capricious, bureaucratic, or plain idiotic demands that form the habits of discipline." -Barbara W. Tuchman If Tuchman's principle holds true the D.O.H.S. should be a lean mean fighting machine in no time at all.
Let?s Not Forget Ol? Gil
The Washington Times reports on some fiscal conservatism in action: Rep. Gil Gutknecht, Minnesota Republican, has returned more than $100,000 of his 2002 office budget to the general fund. "We try to run a tight ship," says the congressman. "I'm always cognizant of the fact that we are spending taxpayers' dollars. This office doesn't belong to my staff and me." Those are rare words coming from a congressman. But what's really worth noting is that since Mr. Gutknecht was first elected to Congress in 1994, he has returned more than $800,000 in taxpayer funds ? money other congressmen have no trouble spending ? to the general piggy bank. "If we expect other federal agencies to be more fiscally responsible," as the congressman explains it, "we have to do so ourselves." Good to see some publicity on this rhetorically conservative Congressman putting his money where his mouth is. But this appeared in the Washington Times. It would be nice to get a little hometown coverage for this refreshing bit of efficient government. My laborious search of the Star Tribune, Pioneer Press, and the Rochester Democrat and Chronicle archives reveal nary a word on it. Media bias? Maybe. Or perhaps Gil Gutknecht is just a really bad salesman when attempting to publicize his good works to the media. And that premise gives me another excuse to quote some Simpson?s dialog. Specifically, the best of Gil and his efforts to make a sale: While attempting to sell Homer a new car: Go ahead, drool all you want, you can't hurt that finish. Now rainwater, that will strip it right off, so ... aw, I shouldn't have said that ... aw, Gil. While attempting to sell Principal Skinner and Lisa computers for their school: D'ah, she's a beut'. You can't beat a Coleco, eh ...? How many can I put ya' down for, a lot? Please say a lot, I need this. ... let's not forget ol' Gil, huh? The wolf's at old Gil's door. Lisa: Oooh ... I guess I don't have much choice. Gil: Aw, thank God! Now, let's talk rust-proofing. These Colecos'll rust up on ya' like ?that,? er ... shut up, Gil. Close the deal ... close the deal! (Via James Phillips - who is NOT in prison. Sometimes he just feels that way.) UPDATE: This just in - the Rochester Democrat and Chronicle still doesn't have any Gil Gutknecht news. However, since it's the newspaper of record for Rochester, NEW YORK, I'm personally absolving them of any charges of media bias (in this regard). The newspaper of record in Rochester, Minnesota (the main city in Gutknecht's 1st Congressonal District) is The Post-Bulletin. But they haven't mentioned anything either (at least in their electronic archives) so THEY are now officially on the watch list.
Strangers In Paradise
With great relief we just received the overdue report from Madame X and her account of the Elder, JB Doubtless and their extended family cutting their swath through northern Wisconsin last week. Apparently she wasn?t compromised with extreme prejudice. She is in fact alive and well. Well, she?s alive anyway. As to her being ?well,? remember she still lives in Wisconsin. Here?s the truth of what happened last week: It's summertime in the northwoods, and the livin' is easy. Fishing, shopping for cabin kitsch on Main Street, enjoying some homemade ice-cream from the town dairy, and of course the Lumberjack World Championship (check your ESPN2 listings). Hayward, Wisconsin is a little slice of heaven right here on earth - just ask the multitude of tourists who flock to our sleepy little town to experience the good life. I'm never surprised to see the messages on the local motel marquees welcoming a seemingly endless parade of our summer guests: "Welcome Johnson Family Reunion", "Congratulations Bert and Ethel on Your 50th Anniversary", or ?Mark Chmura Didn?t Sleep Here - We Promise.? However, I was surprised by one message I read on Wednesday, on the marquee in front of the Comfort Suites. It shocked me to the point I nearly ran over a poor Iowan, characteristically crossing against the light to catch the evening lumberjack show. WELCOME DOUBTLESS FAMILY MODEL T TOUR Just to make sure they were indeed the same Doubtless family I knew, I placed a call to a trusted friend - we'll call him "Saint Paul." He assured me that they were indeed here - the entire Doubtless clan in their classic cars, roaming the streets of Hayward looking for good food, cheap beer, and bringing with them their exquisite conversation skills and abilities to make friends and influence people. I went in to track them down, but they had already departed for the evening. But because I am a local resident of Hayward, I used my many connections in the front desk clerk/waitress network to track down this clan of sometimes-merry men (and their women). I found their itinerary included dining at a local supper club and imbibing at a local tavern or two. However, before I could make contact, I had to watch the Hayward men's baseball league - the Mighty Hayward Hawks - in a battle royale against the dreaded Seeley men's baseball team - the hated Seeley Loggers. Who says there is nothing to do on a Wednesday night in Hayward? People from Seeley, that?s who. For those of you keeping score at home, the final score was Hawks - 3, Loggers - zip. I finally made phone contact with the touring troubadours while they were back at their hotel. As I neared the Comfort Suites, I could feel the air become thick with all things Doubtless. (Yes,I hated the burning sensation. But frankly, I didn?t mind the itching). I entered the lobby to find the parade of ruddy, brooding men getting ready to march out and challenge the Hayward night. Unfortunately, they had made a poor decision in bar choice. Thank their lucky stars I was there in the nick of time to point them in the right direction and school them on the ways of where (and definitely where not) to go for a cocktail on a Wednesday evening. I joined them for a couple of rounds, caught them up on all the latest Hayward news, and introduced them to one of my many brothers-in-law, who also happens to play for the victorious Hayward Hawks. When I left them, the jukebox was rocking, the teams had been chosen for pool, and the deep-seeded family resentments were just starting to be unearthed. In other words, they were doing just fine. Alas, the Model T's have since rolled out of town and they?re no doubt off making friends in other cities. Hayward will miss them and their mischievous ways. But at least we still have the essence of Doubtless, still hanging heavy in Comfort Suites lobby. And for some reason, I think we always will. (That reason being, no budget for fumigating the drapes and upholstery).
Tuesday, August 05, 2003
The Pink Triangle Wedge?
In the 2000 election only 10% of African-American voters pulled the lever (or punched the chad) for Bush. Obviously these are dismal numbers which the Bush team would certainly love to improve upon come 2004. The recent brouhaha over gay marriage may be the issue they use to try to chip away at what has become a Democratic stranglehold on the black vote. A Gallup Poll conducted on July 25-27 shows that support for legalized homosexual relations among blacks has dropped to 35%. While most African-Americans have embraced the broad positions of the Democratic party, when it comes to social issues they are often more conservative. In particular they aren't too crazy about being allied with the very outspoken gay rights movement and its leaders. Will this one issue be enough to get large numbers of black voters to cross over and vote for Bush in 2004? Probably not. But even if only a small percentage do it will weaken the base of core support for the eventual Democratic candidate, and whoever that turns out to be will very likely be unable to afford any slippage if he hopes to have a chance to upset Bush. Look for the Republicans to try to get as much play out of gay marriage for as long as they can.
Divine Intervention
Apparently, winning $113 million dollars isn?t enough to buy a man some common sense. Jack Whittaker, who collected the money after winning the record Powerball jackpot last Christmas, left over $200,000 in cash and a few mighty big cashier?s checks sitting in his vehicle while it was parked outside a West Virginia strip club early this morning. It was, of course, stolen. For crying out loud, Jack. I don?t turn over my car to the guys at the car wash without making a mental note of how much change I have sitting in the ashtray. I?ll be damned if I?m even going to leave my wallet containing $40 sitting in my unattended car in an area of town that even HAS a strip club. Miraculously, the money was recovered later in a dumpster. It seems that God really did want this guy to have the money. What the big guy thinks about it being spent at a strip club is unclear, however.
Bodies Stacking Up Like Cordwood
Looks like Fraters today is going to be devoted to the settling of blood feuds. So let me throw down with one more. There?s a certain professor at UCLA who once called me ?deservedly obscure? and ?ignorant.? And get this - I never even took one of his classes! (There are dozens of University of Minnesota professors who can much more plausibly make those claims.) Instead, the liberally bearded scholar-blogger, known primarily for his use of two middle initials, Mark A.R. Kleiman, was attacking my blogging as an example of conservative media bias. Actually he climbed down from his ivory tower only to use me as the instrument with which he could attempt to bludgeon his real target, Instapundit. Way back last December, Prof. Reynolds was good enough to link to a fairly innocuous post I wrote about the Associate Press?s unfortunate word choice in reporting of Bill Frist?s ascendancy to Senate Majority Leader. Then Kleiman, who disagreed with my analysis, pounced on Reynolds for spreading disinformation and used this as an example of everything that?s wrong with conservative blog-related commentary. I won?t bore you with the details. (But if you want to be bored, check out Kleiman?s post on the matter.) Despite being publicly maligned in this manner (and despite our exploiting this negative publicity for all it was worth), I?ve moved on with my life. But it looks as if Kleiman hasn?t gotten over his problems with Instapundit. On his blog today, he snidely lights up the good Professor. Then in an act of high chutzpah, sends a promotional email to him trying to get the publicity only Instapundit can provide. (Which makes me wonder what really motivates Kleiman, his bitter partisan disdain or his envy?) Of course, Instapundit handled the entire situation with class and complete openness, all the while hoisting Kleiman by his own condescending petard. Here?s the link. Enjoy. I know I did.
Are You Ready For Some Real Debate?
If you're prepared to move beyond the clash of titans between the Atomizer and JB Doubtless currently playing out here check out the following symposiums at FrontPageMagazine.com hosted by Jamie Glazov. The most recent concerns whether we're now facing a guerrilla war in Iraq. An earlier discussion centered around Ann Coulter's book Treason and the real history of Joe McCarthy. Surprisingly neither punk rock nor First Avenue is mentioned in either forum.
This Just In
JB Doubtless is now to be referred to as JB Clueless. He can be found at Bennigan's with a Dumb and Dumberer movie stub in his pocket. UPDATE:I have made a few phone calls and JB Clueless is hereby banned from First Avenue, The Fine Line, The 400 Bar and several other ?music clubs? in town. This lifetime ban even applies when one of his favorite country acts (like Johnny Dillhole and the Amazing Pickin? and Grinnin? Singers) is booked for a show. Even Louie at Lee?s Liquor Lounge was appalled by JB?s contemptuous attitude. Not only does the ban apply to his fine establishment but, by issue of a restraining order, JB is not to come within 500 feet of Louie. He has a permit to carry a firearm and has the will to use it so forget the wig and glasses routine, JB, and enjoy your Turkey O?Toole sandwich.
Shut 'Em Down!
I was discussing the eventual and long-overdue closing of First Avenue with someone the other day and after we both had a good laugh that it needed to happen, I proposed that ALL area live music clubs be shut down for a period ten years. Since punk blew through this area in the mid-to-late seventies the path of it's destruction has been vast. Yes, a few (very, very few) good bands came out it, but for the most part punk has produced more crappy, snotty, drunk, boring, out-of-tune garbage than new wave, metal, disco and polka put together. And it?s not just the dreadful bands that it has wrought, it?s the entire attitude that has permeated every black motorcycle jacketed skinny doofus on Lake Street. Here is a short compendium of some of attitudes that have driven most people away from the local live music clubs and why they should all be boarded up: 1. Do not give the people what they want. That is for Foghat. We?re artists and they must learn our genius...after listening to us play our original songs over and over and over. 2. You don?t need to really learn how to play your instrument. It?s your attitude that matters most and you hate corporate rock! That will shine though (especially if you play loud enough). 3. Never, ever, under any circumstances (unless you are being ironic) are you to play a cover. Covers are for bands in the suburbs. We are telling it like it is in the city. 4. National acts are to go on at 11:45 on a weekday night. Yes, doors are at 9, but the club wants to sell beer and make you listen to two entirely dull local bands first. You should be home by 2. And anyway what are you working, some kind of corporate job? (I guess not everyone can be an Assistant Manager at Ragstock.) 5. You are not in the business of entertainment, you are in the business of art. Starting shows when you are darn good and ready, getting really loaded, sniffing WD-40... all these things are fine. People must learn that as a suffering artist, you must do what you have to do alter you views of reality. And wasn?t it Aldous Huxley who said... 6. Inventing entirely new genres of music that most people have never even heard of is encouraged. Emo-core. Ska-metal. Punkabilly. Y?allternative. I can see a young couple going over the City Pages deciding on what to do on a Saturday night: ?Well? one says ?We could head down to the Entry where a band called the Against are playing.? ?I?ve never heard of them, what are they like?? ?The paper says they are Emo-core, but with a Punkabilly soul and a smattering of ska? ?Umm, let?s just go to Bennigan?s and then catch a movie.? When Bennigan?s announces that it may have to close it?s doors because no one eats there, we can go over the reasons all chain restaurants should be shuttered. Until then, the clubs are to lay fallow for 10-15 years . Let the new generation not weaned on punk forge some kind of new music. A music that people will actually be interesting in listening to.
Just Don't Call Me Late For The Protest
The war in Iraq may be over, but Al Gore is just getting warmed up.
Oh, The Humanity!
Stories like this just make me weep. It's sad to see such loss...and at such a young age.
Monday, August 04, 2003
You Gonna Get Me Some Kobes
Tony Pierce suggests a better way for Kobe to drop four mil to make up with the wife: if i cheated on my hot wife and i wanted to make it up to her financially i would buy her a $4 million rose orchard and let her run the place. id name the roses "kobes". theyd be expenisive roses. like $100 a dozen. for when you really love your girl. or really for when you royally f up.
A Flick Appalling Enough To Make One Sick?
(No, this isn't a post about Gigli .) All I was looking for on Saturday night was a movie with little humor. I was tired and not in the mood for seriousness. I wanted a "stupid comedy" of the 'Dumb & Dumber', 'American Pie', 'Something About Mary' genre. I didn't want to think. I wanted to laugh. Unfortunately, the comedy I chose for the evening's entertainment was 'Old School'. Boring? Unbearably. Plotless? Completely. Incoherent? Jarringly. Slow paced? Agonizingly so. Funny? No. Okay there were a few gags that brought a brief smile but they were few and far between. The writing was abysmal. Every college movie cliché was used, none to humorous effect. Fraternity of losers? Check. Wild parties? Check. Evil dean? Check. Sex with underage girl? Check. Underage girl who's the daughter of someone in a position of power? Check. J.B. Doubtless watched the movie with me (that is until he reached the point where he couldn't take it no more) and commented that to mention 'Old School' in the same breathe as 'Revenge of the Nerds' would be sacrilegious to say nothing of trying to compare it in any way to 'Animal House'. It was horrendous. After I finished watching the entire train wreck of a movie I noticed that I felt a bit nauseous. Not an entirely unusual feeling to have after having wasted ninety minutes of one's life on such a fruitless pursuit of entertainment but this was something else. I went to bed thinking a little sleep would prove to be an elixir. But sleep would not come. I'm not certain if it was the disconcerting image of Will Ferrell's flabby naked ass or just bad pork but the conditions inside my stomach deteriorated as the night wore on. I fought the urge to clear out the contents of my gut for as long as I could but at around 4am I realized the battle was lost. I lurched downstairs to the bathroom and made a rather generous deposit in the porcelain bank. We're talking about four or five separate spewings here, each a little lighter but more acidic than the last. I struggled to catch my breath between streams and managed to flush a couple of times as well which helped minimize the frightful splash back. I don't know if it's physically possible, but I swear that the vomit wasn't just coming out of the my mouth and nose but that it was actually seeping out of my EYES. That's how intense this session was. When it was all over I kneeled there shaking like Howard Dean on 'Meet the Press' . The strange thing about vomiting or puking (Puke, now that's a funny word!) is that while you're in the midst of the action it's probably the closest thing to hell on earth you can experience but when you're done you feel a great sense of relief and calmness. Somewhat akin to having sex with Courtney Love I imagine. You almost have the urge to reach for a cigarette. Well you would if your throat wasn't burning intensely from the bile that you just dredged up. I cleaned up best as I could considering my condition and crawled into the spare bedroom figuring my wife would appreciate not having the wafting odor of vomit next to her in bed. Next came the chills and shivering interspersed with feverish dreams (which thankfully did not feature Will Ferrell's ass in any manner) stage which lasted until later in the morning. The rest of the day was spent in recovery mode, napping and cautiously determining what food/liquids I could keep down. Today I feel better although nowhere near normal (silence in the peanut gallery please). I think I might have picked up a bug recently. God only knows what kind of mutantous bacteria are floating around Northern Wisconsin these days. Or maybe I did have a bad hunk of pork on Saturday night. Or maybe 'Old School' really was such a bad movie that watching it made me violently ill. Applying William of Occam's blade to the question leads me to believe the latter.
List Of Infamy
John Hawkins at Right Wing News has asked bloggers (including yours truly) to vote for the The 20 Worst Figures In American History . Am I the only one who believes that Carry Nation deserves a spot on the list?
Sunday, August 03, 2003
Hats off to Saint Paul for taking over the reins while the majority of the Fraters staff skonkered off for the weekend.
I'm dismayed to find out that Madame X missed her reporting deadline on Friday in that I have my own chilling tale to impart. While the lovely Atomizerette and I were enjoying the sights at a local vineyard on Saturday, we were set upon by both a photographer and a reporter from the Minneapolis StarTribune. We were photographed and briefly interviewed, but our pursuers soon numbed their senses with the fruit of the vine and we managed to escape without bodily harm. I fear, however, that my esteemed collegues may not have been so lucky. While this may be purely coincidental, I will not take any chances. I am now holed up in Fraters Libertas' southern bunker in fear that the Elder and JB Doubtless may be lost to us. I hope and pray that they will be returned to us without the telltale lobotomy scars that those who survive must carry (I'm looking in your direction Doug and Syl). Don't worry about that earwig, James. I hear the madness is only temporary. Labels: Fraters Inc
Saturday, August 02, 2003
Dayton Descends Deeper into Dementia
Believe me I?d like to stop writing about this topic, but the latest rhetoric from Mark Dayton is too good to ignore. Not only does he appear to be on the verge of a mental breakdown, he?s also discovered the hidden poet inside himself with these alliterative flourishes. From today?s Star Tribune: In a scathing floor speech, Dayton assailed Northwest for a "sneaky, slimy and sordid shenanigan" in lobbying for the measure. Dayton said, "for a company to be a recipient of all of that public support .... and then show so little respect for the public .... I find to be deplorable, detestable and deranged." ...when the Senate reconvenes on Sept. 2 [Dayton said] he will block every nomination and "will not allow the business of the Senate to proceed" until the "poisonous paragraph" is dropped.
There?s No Escape From the Blog
Being part of a group blog has its advantages. Primary among them, enabling one?s laziness. Don?t feel like thinking for a few days? Not a problem, others are there to pick up the slack with some brilliant, original observations of their own. Or at the very least, others are willing to publish without feeling the need to think first. Either way, material gets posted and the mighty river keeps rolling along. It?s a beautiful thing and I?m proud to be a part of it. But that doesn?t mean I don?t wonder what would the blog look like if it were only me? What if only my thoughts were being broadcast to the world? What if only the topics I thought merited consideration were given a wider audience? As the rest of the Fraters editorial staff have scattered away from the Twin Cities and their posting responsibilities for this week, we now have the answer to the question: What would the blog look like if it were all mine? WALL-TO-WALL COVERAGE OF MARK DAYTON! I would guess over time the audience might start to tire of this topic. Since this is my fourth post in a row on the Senator?s quixotic battle against those 5 little decibels, I can sense our massive readership every so slightly starting to bleed away. But what the hell, I?m in charge now! That doesn?t mean I still don?t need occasional laziness enabling. Therefore, it?s time to hit the mailbag again. Fresh off his acclaimed comments from yesterday, let?s welcome back reader James Phillips from Folsom CA. (I sometimes wonder why he has so much time on his hands to keep sending me these well thought out, humorous emails. But I?m sure it?s not like he?s in prison or anything.) James speculates on the real reason Northwest Airlines is getting smeared by Senator Dayton in the local newspapers: My guess is that the real sin of Northwest Airlines is not hiring the right lobbyist to get this done: Linda Daschle. Barring any dramatic breaking news on this topic (like Mark Dayton going on a hunger strike or chaining himself to the wheels of a departing 747 at the Humphrey Terminal), I think that will have to be the final word on this subject. Hopefully the Atomizer, JB Doubtless, and the Elder will be trickling back into town soon. But, I honestly don?t know when that will be. I do know the brothers Grim (Doubtless and Elder) are still on their highly secretive trip through rural Wisconsin, touring about in their vintage automobiles. Some time ago I received a confidential tip revealing the itinerary of their trip and as the director of the Fraters Libertas Employee Investigations Program (FLEIP), I took it upon myself to place an asset in northern Wisconsin, in a city known to be in their path. This asset, to be called Madame X, gave me a preliminary report on their activities Wednesday, including the location of the Best Western they were holed up in and the supper clubs and lounges they were known to be frequenting. Last I heard from Madame X, she was about to establish contact with our targets. Chillingly, she missed her reporting deadline on Friday. I fear her cover may have been blown and her mission compromised (with extreme prejudice, as is the brothers? style). Oh well, we?ve got other assets in the field. For example, If any of the boys happen to wander into Folsom, CA (at least near the prison anyway), rest assured, I?ll know about it.
Friday, August 01, 2003
Turning a Deaf Ear to Reason
Despite our earlier efforts to illuminate Senator Dayton on the insignificant affect that 5 decibels have on the ear drums, he only seems to be growing angrier, more radical, and on the verge of a full blown temper tantrum. He?s now gone beyond threatening to change the Constitution in order to assure that federal subsidies continue to flow to people who bought houses around the airport. (Nearly all of whom were fully aware that airplanes frequent the area, because, you know, it?s next to an AIRPORT.) Senator Dayton is now threatening to bring the entire government to a grinding halt until these wealth transfer payments are restored. The quotes, from tomorrow?s Star Tribune: Sen. Mark Dayton vowed Friday to block every President Bush nominee and object to every piece of legislation in September unless a controversial restriction on airport noise-abatement funds was removed. Calling it ?contemptible language,'' Dayton, D-Minn., said he ``will not yield on those matters until this language is removed from the conference report. You have my word. We have over a month until we return. That's one month for those who are party to this detestable act to work it out and get it out of that conference report.'' The gauntlet has been laid down and Dayton is staking his entire reputation as a power broker on this issue. Thankfully for the people of the United States, Mark Dayton?s seniority level remains bogged down in the high to mid-90s, so I?m not sure how much he?ll actually be able to muck up the system. Granted, he is on the prestigious Joint Committee on Printing. Whose mission, according to its Web site, is to ensure compliance with the Government Printing and Binding Regulations. So perhaps he could halt the nomination of the Assistant Undersecretary of Font Selection. But even that?s not a given since Senator Dayton appears to rank 8th in seniority on this committee. That would be out of 8 members. (Check out this picture which shows he may not yet even merit getting to sit down during their meetings). Thankfully, Minnesota does have another Senator in Washington who seems to have a more reasonable and rational view of this situation. Again, quoted in the Star Tribune: While criticizing Northwest Airlines' back-door maneuver to block a costly noise-abatement program, Sen. Norm Coleman, R-Minn., said Thursday the struggling carrier is being asked to help pay the costs of the nation's most ambitious noise-insulation effort. "I can tell you that they firmly believe that by [toughening] those standards, it places a huge economic burden on them without any scientific basis," the freshman Republican said after speaking with a Northwest official. Norm gets it. He criticizes the politcal process, while understanding that Northwest Airlines has entirely legimate reasons for taking action. Let?s hope calmer, more moderate voices such as his are listened to before extremists like Senator Dayton are allowed to shut down the government. Or at least before he causes the printing office to start using non sans serif fonts.
Sounding Off
I suspected something might be a little off with my analysis yesterday of the affect of 5 decibels on loudness. But I've never let nagging suspicions get in the way of making a lovesick squirrel reference. It now appears I did slightly understated the truth (forgive me, I'm a product of the public school system). Thankfully, Fraters Libertas has readers like Sean Sorrentino to set me straight. I am sure that I won't be the only person to write and tell you about the nature of the decibel scale. a change of 10dB is equivelent to doubling the loudness of a noise. for example, the change from 70dB is twice as loud as 60dB. The chart linked will give you some info on them, but I would like to draw your attention to the part where it says that 1 dB is imperceptible, 3 dB is barely perceptible, and 5 is clearly perceptible. That being said, 60-70 dB is the range of normal conversation. that sounds like your interventionist Senator is whining that a person might have to talk a bit more loudly every time a plane flys over. Not a bad price to pay for someone that bought a house in the flight path of an airport. Sean Sorrentino Good points all Sean, especially that last one about our whining, interventionist Senator. Now that the scientific community has weighed in on this issue, perhaps we'll see a retraction from Dayton's office later today. But hopefully we won't get any feedback from Sean Connery's publicity machine after they see another reader's observation about another source I quoted yesterday: I haven't seen League for the Hard of Hearing. Does Sean Connery put on a good performance? I kind of thought the premise of the movie was a little lame. James Phillips Folsom, Calif.
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