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Monday, February 08, 2010
Winter Wonderland

People, please stop calling every major snowstorm to hit the east coast a blizzard. Words mean things and blizzard means a snowstorm with wind speeds at or above 35 mph. Just because a 30" of snow falls does not mean there has been a blizzard. It simply means that a lot of snow fell on Washington DC.

And, frankly, just because a lot of snow has fallen in DC doesn't mean the rest of the world cares one little bit. It's winter, you morons...deal with it for crying out loud and spare the rest of the country from your silly knees bent running about behavior. We have our own winter weather to deal with. Grab a shovel, dig yourselves out and shut the hell up.

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Ad It Up

This year's Super Bowl ads were a decidedly mixed bag. A few were actually inspired. Some were simply awful. And the rest (the majority) were mundane and mediocre.

It's easy to make too much of these ads and overstate their importance or what they say about the state of our society. However, there was a thread that ran through a number of them that I found disturbing.

That was the apparent willingness of those depicted to surrender things such as honor, respect, and freedom in exchange for material possessions. This was clearly the message in the Dodge Charger commercial where a group of men as much admitted that they had pretty much completely given up control of their lives to their wives for the "right" to drive the car they wanted to. My wife has my pair in her purse, but as long as she throws me this one bone, I'll happily submit.

The angle in the Bridgestone ad was different, but it had a similar message. Rather than resist the dystopic thugs who wanted to take his tires, the "hero" of this story chooses to throw his wife to the wolves in order to keep his material goods. I'm sure the creators thought this was funny which in itself says a lot about what people think of the meaning of manhood these days.

The Audi "Green Police" ad has generated a lot of discussion about whether it's actually a not-so-subtle send up of the extremes of the environmental movement. Even if it is, we again see a situation where the person at the center of the ad--whom viewers are expected to personally identify with--is choosing the path of least resistance in order to maintain their own personal comfort. Rather than resisting the degradations and violations of liberty wrought by the Green Police, the Audi driver has found a way to reach an accommodation with them. As long as it's my neighbors and not me being hauled off to reeducation camps and I can still drive my cool car, I'm okay with things.

Again, perhaps I'm getting all worked up about nothing. Maybe these ads are just ads and there no relationship between their content and our cultural values. But when you see a similar message appear over and over during what has likely become America's premier shared cultural event, it causes me to worry what that message might imply about the character of our country.

UPDATE: Cap'n Ed has a post on the Audi ad at Hot Air and one commenter (darclon) suggests a better version:

This ad would have been awesome if an '67 stingray roared to life and broke through a green police barricade while the driver chomped on a cheeseburger and gave the cops the finger

That's exactly what I thought when I watched it last night. Then, maybe instead of "Dream Police," the ad could feature Rush's Red Barchetta. That version also would have been a fulfillment of what Daniel Henniger wrote about last May:

Maybe they'll bolt. Maybe the car culture will revert to where it began, when the whiskey runners in the South ran from the revenuers. This time the cars themselves will be bootlegged--fat, fast and gas-powered--racing through the night on off-map roads while the National Green Corps--enacted by Congress in the second Obama term--looks for them from ethanolic choppers overhead. Reborn to run.

National Green Corps? Let's stick with the Green Police. That's much easier for our Commander in Chief to pronounce correctly.

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Sunday, February 07, 2010
Cheap Shots

Updated and Bumped after seeing the commercial.

Audi of America will be airing a Super Bowl ad featuring their A# TDi clean diesel. Their message is a supposed environmental one, that driving an Audi is a friendly environmental choice. Hypocracy aside, the most interesting aspect of Audi's decision is their hiring of Cheap Trick to re-record their hit "Dream Police" to air in the commercial.

Cheap Trick took the lazy way out when re-recording their hit. They changed the name of the song to "Green Police," and merely changed the word "Dream" to "Green" throughout the song, leaving all other lyrics intact.

The result is an Al Gore wet dream, a song about a facist state hunting down those that don't meet the environmental mandates of big liberal government:

The green police, they live inside of my head.
The green police, they come to me in my bed.
The green police, they're coming to arrest me, oh no.

You know that talk is cheap, and those rumors ain't nice.
And when I fall asleep I don't think I'll survive the night, the night.

'Cause they're waiting for me.
They're looking for me.
Ev'ry single night they're driving me insane.
Those men inside my brain.

The green police, they live inside of my head.
(Live inside of my head.)
The green police, they come to me in my bed.
(Come to me in my bed.)
The green police, they're coming to arrest me, oh no.

Well, I can't tell lies, 'cause they're listening to me.
And when I fall asleep, bet they're spying on me tonight, tonight.

'Cause they're waiting for me.
They're looking for me.
Ev'ry single night they're driving me insane.
Those men inside my brain.

I try to sleep, they're wide awake, they won't leave me alone.
They don't get paid to take vacations, or let me alone.
They spy on me, I try to hide, they won't let me alone.
They persecute me, they're the judge and jury all in one.

'Cause they're waiting for me.
They're looking for me.
Ev'ry single night they're driving me insane.
Those men inside my brain.

The green police, they live inside of my head.
The green police, they come to me in my bed.
The green police, they're coming to arrest me.




Nihilist Adds: Over at Nihilist In Golf Pants, I've posted a more thorough rewrite parody of the song.

Update: after viewing the ad, it looks like Audi may actually be mocking the green movement. Here's the video:


Also, unfortunately, the Green Police was the nickname of a Nazi unit sent to move Jews to concentration camps. Definitely a curious advertising choice.

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Saturday, February 06, 2010
No Sugar Tonight In My Tea

The left's seething hatred of the new conservative movement (regretfully, in my opinion, labelled as the tea party movement) continues to permeate the mainstream media. The latest example comes from yesterday's Washington Post (via today's St. Paul Pioneer Press). In describing events at the National Tea Party Convention in Nashville yesterday, Post reporter Philip Rucker writes:
Former Rep. Tom Tancredo, R-Colo., offered a fiery defense on Friday of Judeo-Christian faith and traditional American values, but there was no prayer or Pledge of Allegiance to open the convention. Nor was there an American flag in the convention hall.
Rucker is clearly attempting to undermine Tancredo's comments with completely unwarranted implications of hypocrisy. Oh sure...they talk (with FIRE) about Judeo-Christian and American values but where are the prayers and where are the flags and where are all of the other things that we would normally mock the movement about displaying had they actually been present?

The frustrating thing is that I'm absolutely certain Rucker would have written a similar condescending paragraph had prayers and flags been in abundance at the convention. I'm sure it would have read something like this:
In a convention hall still echoing with the rote prayers of the faithful and the required pledge of the patriotic, Tom Tancredo, R-Colo., offered a fiery defense on Friday of Judeo-Christian faith and traditional American values. Convention goers dutifully waved their American flags as Tancredo delivered his speech in front of an garishly enormous Stars and Stripes.
Okay, my projection of a non-existent Philip Rucker paragraph may be a bit over the top but the point is that these guys aren't even attempting to cover the conservative movement fairly. The bias is there and it is going to make it into the story despite the movement's growing popularity.

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Super Bad

So far my "do the opposite" system for picking NFL playoff games has not fared well. Going 4-6 in the games leading up to the Super Bowl is hardly a stellar record. And the matchup between the Saints and Colts doesn't really present any obvious opportunities for bucking convention and past history. But if you look hard enough there's always an angle that can be played.

Heading into tomorrow's game, it seems that almost everyone outside the state of Indiana is pulling for the Saints, even if they think the Colts will ultimately prevail. This pro-Saints sentiment stems partly from a desire to see the team reverse the franchise's pathetic past, but mostly it's driven by the belief that the people of New Orleans somehow "deserve" to win the Super Bowl after what their city went through with Hurricane Katrina. The Saints and their city are such a feel good story that you can't help but cheer for them, right?

Wrong. I not only want to see the Colts beat the Saints, I want to see them trample the Saints. I want to watch as the Super Bowl hopes and dreams of the Saints and their fans are completely and utterly destroyed. Sorry about what happened with Katrina New Orleans, but you don't "deserve" to win a Super Bowl because of your suffering.

The better team deserves to win the Super Bowl and I don't think the Saints are that team. I still don't think Drew Brees is a big game quarterback and despite their propensity for creating turnovers, I remain unimpressed with the Saints defense. The Saints were fortunate to get to the Super Bowl, but it will take more than that to beat the Colts. The Colts will not give the game to the Saints. If the Saints want to be Super Bowl champs, they will have to win it. And I'm skeptical about their ability to do so.

Not only do I think the Colts will win and win big, I want them to. Many will complain about having to sit through a Super Bowl blow out, but I'll savor every second of it. Colts 37 Saints 12.

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Friday, February 05, 2010
That Is One Angry Clown!

From the Seinfeld episode The Opera:

INSIDE JOE DIVOLA'S APARTMENT

Jerry: (answering machine) leave a message and I'll call you back, thanks.

JOE DIVOLA: Jerry, Joe Divola. *Pbt* *Pbt* *Pbt* I have a hair on my tongue, I can't get it off, you know how much I hate that? Course you do, you put it there. I know what you said about me Seinfeld. I know you bad mouthed me to the execs at NBC, put the kibosh on my deal. Now I'm gonna put the kibosh on you. You know I've kiboshed before, and I will kibosh again.


From yesterday's Los Angeles Times Business section:

Doesn't look like comedian turned senator Al Franken is planning a return to NBC's "Saturday Night Live" anytime soon.

In his opening remarks about the proposed Comcast-NBC deal at a hearing held by the Senate Subcommittee on Antitrust, Competition Policy and Consumer Rights, Franken (D-Minn.) ripped into the deal and the risks it could present to not only consumers but media competition as well.

Franken, who was a regular on NBC's "Saturday Night Live" for years and also had a short-lived sitcom on the network called "Lateline" in the late 1990s, dismissed the claims made by Comcast and NBC Universal that the partnering of the nation's largest broadband and cable provider with the entertainment giant would not harm competitors or the public.

"You'll have to excuse me if I don't trust these promises, and that is from experience in this business," Franken snapped.


I was made aware of Franken's attempt to put the kibosh on NBC via an e-mail from Cory. He sees a possible motivation for Franken's conduct that hasn't been much remarked on:

I'm not sure if you watched C-SPAN yesterday but there was a Senate committee hearing going on about the NBC/Comcast merger. When Al Franken got his chance to talk he went after the Comcast and NBC executives with a vengeance, accusing them of being dishonest and interrupting them repeatedly.

I think it's worth pointing out that there's bad blood between Franken and NBC, especially since he left SNL in a huff after he lost the Weekend Update slot to Norm Macdonald. Is he using his political power to settle a career grudge? Nobody seems to be writing about this possible alternative motive.


It would hardly be shocking to imagine that Franken sees this as an opportunity for payback. For all the humiliations he suffered at the hands of network executives. For all the times he felt that they were looking down their noses at him while he was just a performer trying to get by. Now, the tables are turned (literally). He's in the position of power and he's going to use it for all its worth to extract his pound of flesh from NBC executives.

It's hard to say if the story of Minnesota's angry clown will play out more as tragedy or farce. It's easy to say that we're certain to plenty of more drama in this theater of the absurd before the final aria is sung.

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Facts Are Stubborn Things

An August 1, 2003 statement from Nancy Pelosi chastised President Bush for failing to create jobs:
The fact is that President Bush's misguided economic policies have failed to create jobs. Since President Bush took office, the country has lost 3.2 million jobs, the worst record since President Hoover. And today we learned that in July nearly half a million people gave up looking for a job.

Fact: There were 14.8 million unemployed in January 2010.

Fact: There were 11.6 million unemployed in January 2009.

Fact: 14.8 million minus 11.6 million equals 3.2 million.

Fact: Bush had been President for 2 1/2 years when Pelosi issued the above release.

Fact: Obama has been President for 1 year.

Fact: Nancy Pelosi will never acknowledge these facts.

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Beer of the Week (Vol. XLI)

This edition of Beer of the Week brought to you by the fine folks at Glen Lake Wine & Spirits who are always glad you came and, if you go there often enough, where everybody will know your name. You never know who you're going to run at the store either. Just this past Wednesday, I happened to bump into Johnny Roosh of Shot in the Dark renown. Mr. Roosh is apparently something of a regular and Dan (Glen Lake's owner/operator) always makes sure he has a fresh bottle of Boone's Farm Sun Peak Peach on hand to satisfy Johnny's imbibing needs.

By now, I'm sure everyone knows that because some rodent saw the comparative darkness that results from his body blocking light rays we're going to have to endure another six weeks of winter. Here in the Northland, we can only wish that would be so. Six more weeks of winter would be a walk in the park. We're likely looking at another two months of the long hard slog. And even then when "Spring" comes, it won't mean trees budding, flowers blooming, bird singing, blue skies, and sunshine. It will mean rain, wind, clouds, muck, and probably a late snowfall or two lest we get too hopeful that Spring has actually sprung.

But even though it still seems like a long ways off and it never really delivers on the promise, you can't blame us for dreaming of Spring. So even though it's ridiculously early to even be uttering the "S" word, our beer of the week is the first Spring seasonal of 2010. It's another offering from Flying Dog Brewery in Maryland called Garde Dog Biere de Garde:

Proving the French may actually know something we don't...Garde Dog is a traditional French Biere de Garde or "beer for keeping". This classic farmhouse ale was brewed in March for drinking during the spring and summer months. With its toasted aroma and spicy, malty sweetness Garde Dog will liberate you from the winter doldrums.

That's a promise of freedom that we all can drink to. In all my years as a beer aficionado, I've never heard of Biere de Garde:

The Biere de Garde is golden to deep copper or light brown in color. They are moderate to medium in body. This style of beer is characterized by a toasted malt aroma, slight malt sweetness in flavor, and medium hop bitterness. Noble-type hop aromas and flavors should be low to medium. Fruity esters can be light to medium in intensity. Flavor of alcohol is evident. Earthy, cellar-like, musty aromas and flavors are okay. Diacetyl should not be perceived but chill haze is okay. Often bottle conditioned with some yeast character.

Okay then. Now that we have the background, we can consider the beer itself.

Brown bottle. Usual gonzo style Flying Dog label with a rabid looking watch dog who would make the boldest intruder think twice. Tri-color design is a nod to the beer style's Gallic origins.

Beer Style: Biere de Garde

Alcohol by Volume: 5.5%

COLOR (0-2): Gold and mostly clear. 2

AROMA (0-2): Malty, sweet with a little wheat. 2

HEAD (0-2): White and pretty thin. Fades fast. 1

TASTE (0-5): Malty sweet flavor with spices and a bit of a bitter finish. Light to medium body. Very drinkable. 3

AFTERTASTE (0-2): Dry and mostly clean with a little lingering burn. 2

OVERALL (0-6): I haven't had any previous experience with the Biere de Garde style so I'm not sure how Flying Dog's offering compares. There's not a ton of flavor yet it is refreshing. This is a beer definitely best suited for warmer weather and I'd probably favor it over many of the other Spring seasonals. Assuming that we actually see Spring around these parts while Garde Dog is still available on the shelves. You might want to pick up a six-pack now and garde it until Spring does arrive in Minnesota. You know, June maybe July. 3

TOTAL SCORE (0-19): 13

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CORRECTION: We Regret the Error

In the post the other day about sitcom appearances of Mahler's "Songs on the Deaths of Children" and my claim that Cheers never used this particular comedic crutch, Tim writes in with a correction:

It's from "Rebecca Gaines, Rebecca Loses", originally aired June 5, 1993. Here's the recap:

Rebecca is pleased to learn that she and Mr. Gaines have similar interest in classical music. She uses this to start up a conversation and before long he has invited her to his house to hear some Mahler. She looks forward to the occasion, only to find out that he has intended her to serve his guests.

In the scene, Rebecca and Mr. Gaines are listening to Mahler; Rebecca remarks on how lovely and uplifting the music is and asks the name of the piece. Mr. Gaines answers "Songs on the Deaths of Children" leading to much awkwardness and consternation by Rebecca, and laughs all around.

Recalling my original assertion:

I've seen every episode of Cheers multiple times .... and I do not recall "Die Kindertotenlieder" ever being referenced and certainly not playing a prominent part in any episode.
Oh, the hubris! The arrogance! Where were the editors?

I'm sure Tim is right, his detailed description rings some faint bells in my head about that episode and that funny exchange. In my defense, I didn't watch the Rebecca Howe years of Cheers reruns nearly as much as the Diane Chambers years. I guess this only proves that Tim had more time on his hands than even I did in the 90's to watch TV reruns. (What a loser!)

To restore the credibility of my TV watching expertise with the public, let me say that I am 100% convinced that The Brady Bunch never, ever, ever made reference to Mahler's "Die Kindertotenlieder".

UPDATE: Gaaah! This just in from Ernie in Hopkins:

I think your TV watching expertise is about as low as your IQ score. Regarding the Brady Bunch, you seem to be forgetting the episode "The Butcher, the Baker, the Babysitter Maker" originally airing on February 28, 1972.

Mike Brady won the Pritzker Prize for his innovative work on suburban ranch-style home designs, in particular his minimalist use of bathroom facilities for children (an impressive 6-to-1 ratio). Mike asked Carol to accompany him to Hawaii for the awards ceremony, in particular to make sure nothing happened to the cardboard tube containing his award winning designs. The care of the children was left to resident domestic Alice.

Within hours of Mike and Carol's departure, sons Peter and Bobby began playing ball in the house (despite their mom's repeated warning to avoid such behavior). An errantly thrown toss struck Alice directly in the face, causing a severe concussion and neck fracture and resulting in a lengthy hospital stay. From the emergency room, Alice called her part-time lover Sam the Butcher and asked him to watch the children.

Sam, a confirmed bachelor and curmudgeon always hated children and initially told her 'no'. But Alice's offer of her paycheck for the next two weeks and increased sexual favors whenever she could get out of her wheelchair persuaded him to give it a try. However, upon his arrival, it soon became apparent that the Brady kids' impish ways would grate on his already frazzled psyche.

The breaking point occurred when the kids attempted to raise money for Alice's physical therapy treatments by recording a song (entitled "Don't Let a Broken Neck Keep You from Enjoying a Sunshine Day"). Their cacophonous practice session in the garage caused Sam to burst out of the house and run at them with a meat cleaver, muderously shouting "SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!"

Cindy stopped him in his tracks by innocently asking "Gee mister, we're sorry. Would you prefer us to play a different song?" Whereupon Sam remarked "Have you ever heard of Mahler's 'Songs on the Deaths of Children'?"

And hilarity ensued.

Now that Ernie mentions it, I think I remember that episode. I beileve it was the Christmas special that year. Thanks for the update Ernie.

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Thursday, February 04, 2010
Veritas

There has been an abundance of rumors, idle chatter, unfounded speculation, and bizarre conspiracy theories circulating to explain why our web site had recently gone dark. And that was just around the water cooler here at Fraters Libertas world headquarters.

In the interests of transparency and full public disclosure, the Top 11 Real Reasons Fraters Libertas Was Off Line for the Past 10 Days has been posted at Nihilist in Golf Pants. The truth is out there.

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An Education

When a lifelong, committed liberal zealot like Roger Ebert makes an argument against political interest, you have to pay attention. Excerpts from his review of the new documentary "Waiting for Superman":


"Waiting for Superman" studies the failing American educational system. Oh, yes, it is failing. We spend more money per student than any other nation in the world, but the test scores of our students have fallen from near the top to near the bottom among developed nations.

In Kenya, they take a test. A high enough score will win them a scholarship from a foundation established by Chris Mburu. Without that, their families cannot afford education, and their life prospects will change. In America, they hope to have their names chosen in a lottery. If they win, they will be accepted by a desirable magnet or charter school. Without that, they will have to attend the public schools available to them. Local educators agree about these schools: They are often bad schools, known within the school system itself as Dropout Factories. Students do not learn, their test scores drop year after year, only a very few find their way to
the college level. This is a national phenomenon in the United States.

"Waiting for Superman" argues that the greatest enemies of American primary and secondary education are the teachers' unions. Yes. This is not an anti-labor film. It was made by Davis Guggenheim, whose last documentary was Al Gore's "An Inconvenient Truth." Among those at Sundance in support of it was Microsoft's Bill Gates, who appears in it. Liberals.

There are countless dedicated public school teachers in our nation. Guggenheim made a doc in 1999 focusing on them. But educators and the teachers themselves acknowledge that schools have teachers who are not merely incompetent, but even refuse to teach.

Protected by the tenure guarantees in their union contracts, they cannot be fired. In some schools, their rooms are referred to as Classrooms of Death. A student assigned to them will fail. Principals know this, and every year engage in something variously known as the Lemon Dance or the Turkey Trot, transferring bad teachers to other schools, and praying that the new teachers they get may be
better.

Decades of research and test data indicate that the primary factor determining a school performance is not its budget, physical plant, curriculum, student population or the income level of its district. It is teaching. The most powerful opponents to better teaching are the teachers' unions. I am a lifelong supporter of unions. But "Waiting for Superman" makes this an inescapable conclusion. A union that protects incompetent and even dangerous teachers is an obscenity.

The fact is, American education is failing. Even in a bad economy there are good jobs in Silicon Valley. Bill Gates says it's not so much that he wants to recruit foreign workers as that he has to. The fault can be largely laid at the feet of bad teachers and their unions. That's a conclusion I suspect good teachers would be the first to agree with.

Roger Ebert, Al Gore's global warming documentarian, and Bill Gates agree with a position held by a majority of conservatives in this country. Sounds like a perfect opportunity for some of that vaunted bipartisan action we keep hearing so much about.

At the Federal level, the only substantive action the Obama administration has taken with regard to this issue is to block reform. The latest federal education budget goes out of its way to eliminate funding for new DC area charter school vouchers, closing off the one tiny escape outlet from the failing status quo of public schools.

The Washington Post characterizes the motivation behind killing the voucher program:

Teachers unions and other education groups active in the Democratic Party regard vouchers as a drain on public education that benefits relatively few students, and they say the students don't achieve at appreciably higher levels at their new schools.

The teacher's unions, according to Davis Guggenheim the same group bringing you the Dropout Factories, Classrooms of Death, and the Lemon Dance, and who Ebert called an "obscenity". With a track record like that, how do they continue to wield so much power?

One possibility - fully one in ten delegates to the 2008 Democrat National Convention were teacher's union members. In 2008, 91% of political contributions from the National Education Association went to Democrat Party candidates and causes. And the NEA looks downright centrist compared to the American Federation of Teachers, who gave 99% of their political contributions to Democrats.

Something to remember next time your favorite Democrat politician starts to rail against the corrupting influence of special interest groups.

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Wednesday, February 03, 2010
Reality TV

John Derbyshire pitches a sitcom in a post on mood music at The Corner on National Review Online:

Kindertotenlieder means "Songs on the Deaths of Children." The immortal Kathleen Ferrier gives the general idea here.

I'm sure I remember Die Kindertotenlieder featuring in an episode of (of all things!) Cheers. Can't find a clip on YouTube, though. Is my memory correct, anyone know?

I have likewise included a fragment of the Kindertotenlieder in the pilot episode of a sitcom I have written and am trying to pitch to the networks. Provisionally titled Groans, the show features a bar in North Dakota whose Norwegian American patrons converse in anguished tones about the vapid optimism that will soon bring civilization crashing down in ruins. Interested TV producers can contact me via National Review.


There's a lot of material to mine there. Just for fun, you could make a couple of the patrons Vikings fans. Could be comedy gold.

SAINT PAUL NOTES: Like most male Minnesotans in my age cohort, I've seen every episode of Cheers multiple times. Reruns were played every night at 10:30PM on Channel 11 during some of my prime TV watching years in the late-80's through mid-90s. And I do not recall "Die Kindertotenlieder" ever being referenced and certainly not playing a prominent part in any episode.

However, I do know that it was featured prominently in an episode of MASH. (A program I've seen every episode of multiple times because it preceeded Cheers in the 10:30PM slot on Channel 11 in some of my other prime TV watching years -- early through late-80's). Afficianado of the long-hair music Major Winchester received that album in the mail and proceeded to torment his tent mates by incessently playing it. At one point Hawkeye referred to it as the "Dead Children's Glee Club". That is all.

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Creaky Platform

Last night's precinct caucuses turned out fairly well. Turnout was a little lighter than what I had hoped to find, but there was a lot of enthusiasm and it's always interesting to find out which neighbors share your ideological views (like the woman who's kitty-corner across the street from us). I also ran into a couple of gents who recognized me from blogging and the NARN radio show which was gratifying as well.

The night went pretty much as expected. Anyone who wanted to was able to become a delegate or alternate to the senate district convention, so I'll be seeing some of the faces again soon. I was a bit surprised when Marty Seifert collected almost all the straw poll votes in our precinct. That was really the only matter of significance that we voted on. There were a number of resolutions that were approved to be added to the state party's standing platform. Discussion of these resolutions lead to a wider debate about the merits of the party platform itself and whether candidates should be required to follow all of its precepts. The more we talked about it and the more I read through it the more I concluded that the current platform is in desperate need of a major overhaul.

That overhaul should be done with a red pen and a sharp scissors. Because more than anything, the platform needs to sliced, diced, and reduced until it becomes a concise, clear, and coherent expression of where the party stands on core issues. Right now, it has none of those qualities. It's a mish-mash of this and that. Some of the resolutions express core principles of the party on critical issues. But many--far too many--are either devoted to matters too trivial to be included in such a document or so vague that they are essentially meaningless.

I'm as big a supporter of the Second Amendment as the next guy, but is this level of detail really necessary?

E. Making the Eddie Eagle Gun Safety Program available annually in every Minnesota elementary and middle school.

There's already three resolutions under the "Civil Rights" plank on gun rights. Can we get by without endorsing Eddie Eagle in the "Educating Our Children" plank?

Then there's this under the "Creating an Environment for Economic Prosperity: Controlling Taxes, Spending, and Regulation" (or CREEPCOTSAR) plank:

(we support) I. A fair and honest competitive business environment and therefore we oppose corporate welfare.

We also like baseball, Mom, and apple pie. But what does it mean in reality? What does corporate welfare mean and who defines it? Such bland platitudes are a waste of words.

Which the 2008 MN GOP Platform has no shortage of. The copy of the platform that we were given last night filled almost three HUGE pages. If you print the PDF file on 8 x 11 paper, it will take up FOURTEEN pages. All in all, the nine planks of the platform contain a mind-numbing 5002 words. By comparison a fairly significant document called The Declaration of Independence chocks in at 1322 words. In order to explain why they were breaking from the King and starting a new country the Founders only needed a quarter of the words that we need today to explain to the people of Minnesota where our party stands. That's absurd.

The goal should be to winnow down the platform to one page of easily explained, clear principles on the party's position on the critical issues facing Minnesota. Instead of nine planks, there should be no more than five. Keep it simple. Keep it clear. Make it something that people (real people not just hardcore political junkies) might actually be inclined to read. Otherwise, the process of maintaining, updating, and communicating it becomes a pointless exercise that only the wonkiest of word-smithing wonks could possibly love.

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Baby, We're Back!

How have your last ten days gone? It's been a bit of a rough ride here at Fraters Libertas world headquarters. To begin, we had to suffer through the agony of the Vikings loss. Then, we were unable to update the site for a week while our hosting provider went through an upgrade. Followed by sitting through president's pedantic petulance during the SOTU speech. After the hosting upgrade was finally complete, the site was inaccessible for four days while we battled through customer support hell to get things straightened out. During that downtime, the Nihilist In Golf Pants was kind enough to let us crash on his couch. But there's no such thing as a free lunch when it comes to the NIGP. Not only did he charge us for using towels, he made us regrout the executive washroom.

At last it appears that the turmoil has passed and things are returning to normal. I assume that after being locked out for such an extended period of time, our crack collection of contributors are bursting at the seams with pent-up posts that they've been unable to get off their chests. Yes, I expect a surge of scribbling to soon be unleashed on these very pages once everyone hears that the all clear has been sounded. This is what you've been waiting for guys. Have at it. Give us your best shot. Let the rush of golden commentary begin.

Uh...guys?

Guys?

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Sunday, January 31, 2010
Nice on Ice

ESPN's Paul Lukas came to town last week for a sports filled weekend that included pond hockey, curling, and watching the Vikings at Bunny's. He also got a generous dollop of Minnesota nice. The opening:

As it turned out, the weather did present some challenges, but not the ones I expected. And pond hockey was just the tip of my sports weekend iceberg. Here's how it went down:

Thursday, Jan. 21, 6 p.m.: I board a Minneapolis--bound flight out of LaGuardia and find myself sitting in the middle of two extremely sociable pond hockey teams. As I chat with them, two things become apparent: They really, really love hockey, and they really, really love beer. Not necessarily in that order.

"Pond hockey is, like, the essence of pure hockey," says Ryan Equale, sitting behind me. "We all started playing on ponds, we're all brothers out there, and at the end of the day everyone's together sharing a beer." I laugh and nod approvingly, not realizing I'll be hearing this sentiment repeated about 17 dozen times over the next two days.


The close:

Sunday, 9:25 p.m.: Garrett Hartley kicks the game-winning field goal for the Saints. I'm expecting some sort of a negative reaction, but there's no booing, no cursing, not even a collective groan. Instead, people quietly put on their jackets and shuffle out the door.

As I walk out, a woman gives me a glum smile and says, "What a bummer, eh?"

Minnesotans: the nicest people in the world, even in defeat. And even in late January.


Maybe next time he's in town Lukas should watch a game with Atomizer.

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